


A Second Chance

by bipabrena



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Erwin struggles with guilt and self-doubt, F/M, Hizuru the fight with Marley etc etc, Levi softens up and gradually becomes obsessive of Erwin, M/M, Since Erwin will be alive for the current arcs things will be pretty different, YOU NEED TO BE UP-TO-DATE WITH THE MANGA, Zeke is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT, but doesn't know how to reach him, he wants nothing more than to be close to his heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2019-07-15 18:37:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 29,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16068947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bipabrena/pseuds/bipabrena
Summary: After a familiar but stronger power awakens in Levi while fighting Eren and Mikasa to save Erwin’s life, the Commander becomes the new carrier of the Colossal Titan. Once his dream of reaching the basement becomes true, Erwin sets his sights in a different direction.Everything changes for the Survey Corps.Erwin gradually feels that he and Bertolt have become one, and finds himself bearing a strong, almost unbreakable connection to him. He struggles with the guilt of the people he sent to die for a selfish dream, and feels unsure and lost. Levi has rewired in a way he doesn’t understand; he’s unable to understand his own mind as his heart frantically grows desperate and longing for one thing and one thing only: Erwin.All of this while, on the other side of the ocean, a powerful presence casts a dark shadow over the fate of not only the Survey Corps, but the survival of Paradis Island.Eren will gradually forgo his resentment of the Commander, and will find him to be the only one he can confide in with the truth of the world he’s seen through his predecessors, and their relationship takes an unexpected turn.CHECK TAGS FOR MORE INFO.





	1. The x Conflict

**Author's Note:**

> I've always been salty over Erwin's death and I always will be, so I wrote what I wanted to happen on chapter 84.

Levi crouched next to Eren. His exhausted body refused to move, and the small, black box appeared to be glued to his hand.

“Captain!” Eren yelled impatiently. “What are you waiting for!? Armin’s dying!”

_But… is he really... is he… what about Hange? Is Hange…_

“Captain!” Eren yelled, snapping Levi from his thoughts.

“Huh...” he looked down in confusion. His brain seemed to be working impossibly slow.

“Oh…” he said after a moment. “Right,” he reluctantly extended his arm to hand the box to Eren.

“Captain Levi!”

Eren and Levi froze.

“I finally caught up to you… Captain, Commander Erwin is dying! He was hit in the belly… his organs are spilling out. He won’t stop bleeding. He’s dying, sir!” he climbed up the ceiling. He had tied Erwin to his back with his cape. “I thought that injection might be able to help. What do you think?”

Levi’s eyes widened and his lips parted in shock. He retracted his arm and held the box to his chest.

“W… what?” Eren said. “Captain?”

Levi put his hand over Erwin’s nose. His brows rose. “He’s still breathing… he’s-he’s still alive.”

He stood up abruptly. “We’re giving this injection to Erwin!”

“Huh!?” Eren stood, towering over Levi. His face was dangerously close to his. “You just said you’d give it to Armin,” his eyes sank coldly. “So why are you changing your mind?”

“Because the Commander is alive. If I can save the man that has led humanity to where it is now—if I can save humanity’s hope, it’s my obligation to do so. Don’t let your feelings cloud your vision, Eren!”

He turned to walk away, but Eren crushed Levi’s arm. “You said you’d give it to Armin. Give me the serum!” he demanded.

“Tch!” Levi clicked in anger. “Get out of my way!” he struck Eren across the face, which sent at least four molars flying. The force of the punch made Eren roll down the ceiling, and he almost fell off the house.

Mikasa, alarmed at what was going on, hurtled towards Levi and pushed him down, holding him in place with her own body. She put her blade to his neck.

“Sir,” her voice broke. “Please give me the serum!”

Even though her body language was nothing but threatening, how her voice broke, and the way she implored to him instead of taking the serum by force showed she didn’t have the heart to injure the Captain, despite the severity of the situation.

Levi groaned, struggling.

“Please give me the serum!” she yelled.

Eren, weakened, spit out blood and crawled towards Mikasa. “Just… take it from him! There’s no time!”

Her hand shook.

“Let go of me...” Levi demanded. “Let go!" He screamed. "We need Erwin. Humanity needs Erwin! Without him, we’re lost. Eren’s powers would have been useless if we didn’t have him! He would’ve been killed, don’t you remember?”

Mikasa’s breath hitched.

“He was going to be killed by the Military Police, but because Erwin intervened, because of his orders to me, Eren was handed to us. He saved Eren, and he can save humanity, too!”

“Mikasa! Take it from him!”

Tears prickled her eyes. Her hold on him loosened as she tried to snatch the serum, blade still against his neck.

But he wouldn’t budge. His fingers were glued to the box.

Eren tried to stand up, but that punch was enough to make him hazy.

How could Levi be so strong, even when he was this drained!?

“There’s no time to waste. Let me go, I need to save him!”

His weakened body writhed in exhaustion under Mikasa, her grip on his wrist tightening again.

Humanity? This wasn't for humanity.

_For once… for once in my life… just this one time…_

His brows creased and jaw clenched in anger, as he felt a familiar power course through his veins and muscles, taking over him.

_Let me be selfish!_

He headbutt Mikasa, making her stumble back. She put a hand over her shocked face and felt dripping on her palm. She was bleeding.

He didn’t squander a second of her moment’s hesitation, and kicked her away from him. He mustered all his remaining strength and propelled himself off the floor, bolting towards Erwin.

 _M-My God…_ Hange’s eyes widened in horror at the scene as she approached from behind, her lips then curved down in panic at the sight of Erwin. _That can’t be…_

“Mikasa!” Eren yelled, not in concern for her safety, but over the fact Levi was getting away with the serum. “Hurry!” he stood up as an immense rush of adrenaline coursed through his veins, immediately reverting the haziness from Levi’s punch.

In these short seconds, Hange wasted no time as Moblit crossed her mind, deciding that she had lost too many people already. She wasn’t going to lose Erwin, too.

Floch, who had been shielding the Commander's body with his own, ran past the incoming Levi to stop a charging Eren.

Mikasa changed her sights from Levi to Floch, deciding to distract him as Eren chased after Levi.

“No!” Eren yelled without stopping, understanding. “Focus on the Captain!”

Mikasa perked up at his order, and felt something was amiss. She felt she shouldn't ignore Floch, and her instincts told her to obey. Eren called her name again, but not even a short glance at the charred Armin and the desperation in Eren compelled her to disobey her instincts. She was at an arm’s length to incapacitate Floch.

Before she could swing the blade as a warning, her breath hitched and she clenched her jaw in pain as she felt weight crash against her back. The blade flew off her hand due to the impact.

“Hange!” Levi yelled, relieved to see her alive, and Eren turned back to look.

Floch took this chance to go back and grab Eren from the collar of his jacket, kicking him away as hard as he could. He fell and slid down the ceiling, but Jean arrived just in time to grab him, Connie landing right behind him with an unconscious Sasha on his back.

“T-that’s… no…” Connie’s eyes widened.

“W-what the hell happened?” Jean muttered in disbelief, his eyes darting between the Commander, Bertolt and Armin. “How could this…?”

Levi grabbed the syringe from the box, and Mikasa screamed.

Hange’s grip on her tightened.

All of this had happened in a minute.

Levi held the syringe, but froze in place.

They all needed to get away from there. The explosion could kill them, considering most of them were injured and there was no one remaining to help them. But how could they make Mikasa and Eren give in? What if they were slow to react and chose to die with Armin instead?

At this point, several transformations, using the hardening ability, the fight against Reiner, being manhandled by Bertolt and receiving the brunt of Levi’s desperation rendered Eren completely fatigued.

He simply had nothing more to give. He had no more fuel, and he hated himself for it. Eren Yeager, who was more tenacious than anyone, who would be abrasive and fire up over the smallest things, couldn't muster enough energy to fight when it mattered most.

“Ah!” Mikasa screamed, tears rolling down her cheeks, as Levi rolled up Erwin’s sleeve.

In midst of the chaos and panic, Levi still managed to be gentle with him.

Mikasa struggled against Hange, and managed to hold her wrist. She squeezed it so tight it felt it would snap.

“Agh!” Hange groaned.

Not knowing what else to do to restrain Mikasa, not wanting to use violence, Hange resigned.

“I…” she mumbled. “I have people I wish I could bring back, too!” she yelled.

This made everyone stop in their tracks, Levi included.

“Hundreds of them,” her grip on Mikasa softened.

“Ever since I joined the Survey Corps, every day has brought a new farewell. But you understand, don’t you? Everyone you meet will be parted from you one day. I know it’s difficult to accept, it’s hard to stay sane, living like that. It’s painful, so painful.”

As she remembered Mike and how he never came back, how he was never found, and how he possibly died scared and alone, her previously violent grip on Mikasa gradually turned into an embrace.

“But even so… we need to move forward.”

Even though her cheeks were still wet, the tears stopped streaming. Mikasa gently held Hange’s wrist against her shoulder.

She looked at Levi, at how he stuck the syringe in the bottle and filled it.

She closed her eyes, and gave in.

And then Eren spoke.

He held onto the Captain’s ankle, and asked Levi if he knew what the ocean was. He spoke about Armin, about his dreams, all in hopes the Captain’s heart would waver.

“Dammit!” Floch, heart at the brink of collapsing, burrowed his knee against Eren’s back, locked his armpits and dragged him away. “Stop it already!”

“Armin’s different,” Eren said, ignoring him. “Fighting isn’t all he has. He has dreams!”

Levi furrowed his eyebrows sadly, eyes never parting from Erwin’s peaceful expression.

 _And so does Erwin,_ he stood up.

“Troops, clear the area!” he yelled, holding Bertolt from the back collar of his shirt. “Erwin will turn into a Titan and eat Bertolt!”

“Let’s go, Mikasa,” Hange tried to help the slumped girl up.

Jean and Connie said their farewells to Armin, and followed the Captain’s orders.

Floch held Eren against him, as though in a hug, and anchored his hooks to the next house to clear the way. Eren tried to reach for Armin, so numbed in shock that he could only mumble as he saw his charred silhouette get farther and farther away from him. "Wait..." he mumbled. "His body. Please, let me get his body..."

Levi kneeled next to Erwin, gently placing his hand on his forehead. He heard a whimper below him, and looked at a slowly waking Bertolt.

“H-huh…?” he said in confusion as he looked down at himself. All his extremities had been amputated. “What?”

He noticed his former Captain, and the syringe in his hand. “N-no…” he muttered as panic grew in him.

Levi pierced Erwin’s forearm and injected the serum. A slight, electrical aura encapsulated the Commander, and Levi took a last glance at Armin and Bertolt before quickly flying away.

Everyone looked at the ceiling in expectation, when the explosion happened.

Erwin’s pure Titan appeared, and Bertolt’s desperate screams reverberated the vicinity.

“He’s awake…” Connie’s brows furrowed sadly at the fate of his former friend.

Erwin held tiny Bertolt in his massive hand.

“Everyone!" he pleaded, the bravado from before gone. "Please, please save me!”

Despite Eren’s prior promise to Bertolt and Reiner, he felt no pleasure whatsoever in seeing him get what he deserved.

“Annie!” he yelled as he felt the hot, rancid breath of the Titan.

“Reiner!” he called at the top of his lungs, his mind racing to his Warchief Zeke, praying he would save him. And then his screeching voice came to a halt when the disgusting _crunch_ happened.

“Ah…” Eren mumbled. “Ah…” he dropped to his knees. “No…”

He gasped as he leaned forward and hit the ceiling with his fists. He sobbed uncontrollably. There was no saving Armin now. And when this information sank in, Eren's chest hurt so much it felt his heart would rip in two. Mikasa tried holding his arm in comfort, but he snatched it away, only giving her a hateful glare.

After a moment, the corpse of the Titan hit the ground, and the nape ripped open as an almost naked, passed out Erwin emerged from the steam.

Levi’s eyes widened, and Hange quickly anchored her hooks on the initial house, flying towards Erwin. When the shock passed, Levi followed after.

She gently locked Erwin’s arms from behind to unglue him from the skin and tightly held him against her. She pressed her hand to his chest, and quietly whimpered when feeling his heartbeat. She rested her forehead on his shoulder, not wanting to let him go. Levi kneeled in front of him, glancing at a live and well Erwin. His arm had regenerated, and there were no signs of his previous injuries. Hange took off her cape and wrapped it around Erwin, as to protect his modesty.

Levi looked down and his lips curved into the smallest, most grateful smile.

_Thank you, Kenny…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it. If you did, if you could leave kudos or a comment (I accept all criticism--good or bad) that'd mean a lot to me!
> 
> The dialogue used by Hange to persuade Mikasa I took from the actual chapter, just to clarify.


	2. Starting x Anew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this was kinda rushed. I have writer's blockkkkkkkkkkkkkk
> 
> Nothing intense happens here, sorry. Just everyone mourning the losses, and attempting to move on. The last quarter of this chapter is also full-blown Mike appreciation, because he deserved better. He died and literally no one cared and nothing happened. He deserved better, so I'm giving him better.

Eren rested his back against the wall and sighed quietly. He took a deep breath, and slowly let himself slide until he sat on the floor.

Wrinkles formed around his eyes as his frown deepened. That, along with the dark circles under his eyes, gave the impression this was no fifteen year old at all.

He didn’t look old per se, he simply looked like someone who had seen **_too_** much.

He banged the back of his head against the wall.

He glanced at the ceiling, and his brain cells started digging through his memories.

_“Look, Eren! That’s the Commander of the Survey Corps!” Armin said on his tippy toes, eyes glistening in admiration at possibly the most intelligent human inside the Walls._

_“Ah!” Eren’s mouth hung agape. “Nevermind that! Look next to him! That’s Levi-heichou!”_

_“Huh?” Armin’s eyes darted to the man Eren was pointing at._

_“They say he’s the strongest human alive!”_

_“Really? But he’s so tiny,” Armin tilted his head in confusion._

_Another man was suddenly in sight, galloping next to the Commander. He, too, was a blond man with an undercut, and he seemed huge._

_“Oh!” Eren got on his tippy toes, accidentally pushing someone in front of him. “That guy! They say he’s super strong, too! I heard he was the strongest before Levi-heichou came along!”_

_“He’s massive!” Armin exclaimed in awe. “They look like the Commander’s bodyguards!”_

_“The Captain looks so cool! He can definitely eradicate all the Titans!”_

_Armin shook his head in disagreement. “No, the Commander will!”_

_“Huh!?” Eren knitted his brows together. “No way, the Captain will eradicate them! He’s the strongest!”_

_“But the Commander is the smartest!” His head shot to glance at Erwin Smith. “If there’s anyone who can do it, it’s him. I bet his brains beat brawn any day!”_

_“Don’t be stupid, Armin,” Eren retorted angrily. “He can’t do anything if the Survey Corps are weak! And that’s what the Captain is for,” he smiled._

_“But what good is brawn without brains and good leadership? You can’t just charge ahead, you’ll die. Doesn’t matter how strong you are. But then again…” his eyes glistened in admiration again. “Those three. I’m sure they can do anything.”_

_“I guess you’re right. But when I become a Soldier, I still want to be just like the Captain,” he smiled fondly at his friend._

_“And when I become a Soldier, I want to be just like the Commander,” Armin retorted._

_“Hey, hey,” Eren furrowed his brows. “I already told you, you don’t have to join the Cadets just to follow me.”_

_“It’s not just that,” Armin said. “Have you forgotten our dream, Eren?”_

_Eren’s eyes widened._

_“How are we supposed to see the ocean together if I stay here while you go outside the Walls?”_

_His lips parted._

_“Gates open in one minute!” shouted the Commander, his Captain and Section Commander right behind him._

_Various soldiers leaned forward, tightening their reins in expectation._

_“You’re not intending to leave me behind, are you?” Armin smiled at him both sweetly and defiantly. And yet, there was the slightest hint of worry and uncertainty._

Eren’s head thumped. He groaned as he placed a hand over it, squeezing his tired eyes shut.

That smile from back then was the same one he had given Eren three days ago.

_“Didn’t we promise we’d go to the ocean together? Have I ever lied to you, Eren?”_

It was that same fucking smile. The same fucking smile he gave him as that sixty foot monster approached them. That stupid fucking smile.

He banged his head again.

And again, and again, and again, until his vision went hazy and the wall was splattered with his blood.

He vaguely heard hurried footsteps approaching, but he paid no mind.

“Eren!” Mikasa’s desperate voice called. “What are you doing!?” she kneeled next to him in panic at the sight of so much blood.

She took off her purple cardigan and tore a six inch-two feet strip and folded it around Eren’s head.

“Are you out of your mind!?” her voice broke.

He slapped her hand away.

“Don’t touch me,” he warned. “I’m fine.”

She bit her lip. “Fine?” she muttered. “This isn’t the first time! Eren, you have to stop doing this!” She tightly held his shoulders and shook him. “Stop acting crazy! You’re going to kill yourself!”

He headbutt her forehead. “It’s none of your business what I do with myself! I told you to leave me alone, stop stalking me!”

She held the spot grimly.

He looked away, not finding himself able to look her in the eye since it happened.

“You already let Armin die,” his eyes stung. “For once in your life, respect what I want and leave me alone.”

Her mouth hung, and she felt her throat tighten.

After long, uncomfortable silence, she finally spoke.

“I’m only keeping an eye on you because you’re out of control,” she mumbled. “I want to think you’re saying these things out of anger, but with the way you’ve looked at me since it happened…” tears blurred her vision. “I don’t even know anymore.”

She sniffled, holding her scarf. “I just wish you understood you’re not the only one who’s hurting,” she put it up to her nose.

She turned her back and swallowed, hoping her voice wouldn’t break. “Please see the nurse for that injury.”

He looked at her leave with contempt. If she hadn’t hesitated by Hange’s speech and overpowered her, she would’ve been able to take the serum. In fact, she could’ve snatched it from Levi prior to that before he somehow gained strength from who knows where. She had him right there. She could’ve taken it.

But she didn’t.

Why didn’t she do it? Why did she hesitate?

Why did she let Armin die?

It just wasn’t fair.

She was always so strong, she had always been stubborn and reckless so long as it meant Eren’s safety, but when it mattered to Eren most, when he needed her to be defiant, she wasn’t. She was utterly worthless when he needed her most, he thought.

* * *

Levi sat next to the window, arms and legs crossed, head hung in deep sleep. His lips parted to grumble something, though quite unclearly. He wasn’t dreaming of anything in particular.

The man in front of him shifted slightly, then opened his eyes slowly. His lips parted as he foggily looked at the ceiling.

Who was he? Where was he?

He couldn’t remember a thing.

He groaned as he brought a hand to his thumping head.

That was enough to awake the man who had been sitting by him.

Levi awakened abruptly, breath hitching. He looked up and saw Erwin move. He leaned forward and his eyes widened.

“Erwin!” he called, perhaps a bit too excitedly. The way his voice broke surprised him.

The Commander, however, was still much too hazy.

Embarrassed by his previous outburst of emotion, he took advantage of Erwin’s foggy state of mind and cleared his throat to regain his composure.

He stood up and walked towards him. “Oi,” he called softly. “You’re finally awake. About time, too.”

Erwin, covering his left eye, glanced at Levi, who looked at him dully. It took him a few seconds to understand who he was.

“Oh,” Erwin muttered, blinking. “Levi.”

“Is that disappointment in your voice?” Levi rose a brow. “What were you expecting? The pearly gates and the three goddesses?” He said sarcastically.

Erwin’s pupils darted to him in slight annoyance. “Hmph,” he smirked. “No, I…” his smirk reverted. “I was just dreaming.”

“Ah, yes,” Levi huffed. “Dreaming while the rest of us have to keep working. The world can’t stop for you, you know. You’ve been out for a while and we’re awaiting your orders.”

Erwin closed his eyes and took a deep, peaceful breath. “How long have I been out?”

“Three days.”

“Oh,” his eyes shot open. “Yes, that’s too much.” He tried to sit up slowly, but despite his long slumber he still felt too weak. Levi instinctively leaned forward to help him.

Then the realisation came. And he froze immediately.

Levi noticed this.

“What’s wrong?” he asked in concern.

Erwin put pressure on his right side to make sure it wasn’t some sort of phantom pain. Then he hastily moved his right arm and saw it in disbelief.

“Erwin, what’s wrong?” Levi touched his shoulder. “Do I get the nurse?”

“It…” he mumbled. “It regenerated.”

“Huh?”

Erwin looked at Levi in disbelief. “My arm. My arm’s grown back. How?”

Levi’s slightly shocked expression wavered gradually. He crossed his arms. “You were dying,” he muttered, attempting to hide the emotion in his voice. “So I injected you the serum Kenny gave me. You ate the Hoover kid. So, I guess you’re the Colossal Titan now.”

Erwin’s lips parted.

“It’s okay,” Levi comforted, voice somehow gentle. “It’s normal to be foggy, according to Eren. Everything should come back to you soon enough.”

He held his right arm, lips curving into a barely visible smile.

Levi was almost unable to prevent his expression from softening.

They were quiet for too long.

“Do you want me to fetch Hange?” Levi asked. “She’s been worried.”

“Yes…” Erwin held the covers tightly. “Please.”

“Alright, I’ll be right back. I’ll bring you some water, too. You must be thirsty.”

“Yes, thank you, Levi.”

Erwin looked at his hands, and the way they gripped the sheets. He wasn’t sure what his conflicting emotions meant.

After a few moments, Levi brought an excited Hange whom he had begged to not overreact. She peeked at the door and yelled an “ah!” when seeing Erwin very much alive and well.

“Erwin!” she yelled, to which he smiled. Levi held her sleeve, as to remind her to not be loud and annoying, which she remembered immediately.

She walked towards Erwin, and held her hands behind her back. She smiled at him, but Erwin’s smile had been long gone.

“Hange…” he said, evidently surprised at the eye patch.

“Oh!” she said nervously. “Don’t worry about this thing, it’s nothing.”

Erwin’s brows furrowed. “How did it happen?”

She smiled sadly, obviously attempting to stay cheery. “Well…” she looked down. “It was after Bertolt transformed. I was sure to be a goner, but…”

Her jaw clenched, expression now grim.

“Well… Moblit saved me.”

Erwin immediately knew what this meant.

“I’m sorry,” his eyes darted back to his gripping hands. “He was a good soldier. But more importantly, he was a good friend.” He made eye contact. “I’m sorry, Hange.”

She smiled sadly. “I’m sorry, too.”

Uncomfortable silence.

“Who else did we lose?”

And yet more silence.

“A better question would be who we didn’t lose,” Levi responded.

“I see,” said Erwin. “That’s unfortunate.”

The three of them looked uncomfortable.

“Any casualties from your squad, Levi?”

Hange and Levi’s breaths hitched.

“Arlert died,” he responded, refraining from mentioning, at least for the time being, that he was left to die so Erwin could live. Hange curiously glanced at him for this.

“I see.”

“It was thanks to him the Colossus was defeated. We have much to be grateful to him for. He was a good soldier.”

“Indeed,” was all Erwin said.

Another uncomfortable silence went by, all because Erwin wasn’t sure how to phrase his next question. The one thing he truly cared about.

“The—“

“We should—“

Erwin and Levi spoke at the same time.

They made eye contact, and while Erwin looked polite, waiting for him to speak, Levi for some reason felt a tug in his heart. Erwin’s disheveled hair and icy blue, rested eyes brewed something in him.

Erwin nodded, as to signal him to speak first.

But Levi didn’t notice. He somehow found himself lost.

Hange, the onlooker, observed confusedly. Her eyes darted between the two men.

“Levi?” Erwin called.

He really was **_this_** close to losing him.

“Levi?” Erwin cocked his head.

He almost lost him. He saw him nearly die.

Hange took a step forward and placed a hand on Levi’s shoulder, which finally interrupted his reverie.

“What?” He looked at Hange.

“Erwin’s talking to you,” she drawled, confused.

“Oh,” he looked at Erwin. “What is it?”

“You were about to say something.”

“Oh…” he looked down. “We should get going. You’ve been in bed long enough.”

“Yes, right,” Erwin shifted in the bed, ready to get up.

Then, Hange suddenly chuckled, and her chuckle bloomed into full-blown laughter. The two men looked at her in confusion, though Erwin gradually grinned, as though her laugh were contagious.

It was, though.

“What is it, four-eyes?”

She suddenly stopped laughing, and Levi immediately realised why.

“Oh,” he said. “Sorry about that.”

“Nah,” she waved her hand at him. “It’s fine. You can keep calling me that, for old times’ sake. Three eyes would sound weird anyway, right?” she smiled.

Erwin, sitting at the edge of the bed, had his head turned to her. He was smiling fondly.

“What was so funny anyway?” Levi crossed his arms.

She looked down, smile slowly going from comical to sad. “I was just…” she attempted not to frown. “I was just remembering the one time Erwin overslept for a meeting with the MPs and Premiere Zachary, and Mike and I ran to his room, thinking he had died or something. We woke him up like the world was ending and he sat at the edge of the bed, just like he is right now.” she pointed with a smile “Mike, who was always so quiet, was yelling at him for being so irresponsible the one time we needed him most, and while he was talking to him he fell asleep again, all while sitting. I don’t know why remembering that made me laugh.”

Erwin’s smile had vanished the moment she mentioned Mike.

Yes, Mike.

Things had been so hectic since the Beast Titan’s appearance that Mike had been almost forgotten. There hadn’t been time to mourn, after all.

But now…

“Oh,” said Levi, noticing Hange and Erwin’s grim expressions.

Erwin stood up after a moment, and walked towards the window. He held his right arm, still in unconscious disbelief of seeing it back. He let go and stuck his hand in the curtains to open them, and looked at the sky with, unbeknownst to him, the most pitiful, heartbreaking frown.

The three veterans stood in silence, out of respect.

They also simply didn’t know what to say.

“I had a strange dream,” Erwin broke the silence.

The two veterans looked at him, waiting for him to continue, but they said nothing.

“The Colossal Titan, or rather, Bertolt’s,” he corrected himself immediately, acknowledging he now was the Colossal Titan. “looked down at me, crying. He had a strange expression. No hatred or animosity, just pure sadness. I didn’t understand why when I first woke up. But now…”

He sighed, closing his eyes. He didn't mention a coated-man he kept seeing. 

“And then there was a pile of corpses. I saw all of our valued comrades. At the very top stood Mike. I tried calling for him, but he wouldn’t turn his back. It sounds unpleasant, but I attempted to climb the pile of corpses, and I was about an arm’s length. I tried reaching for him and called him, but he just turned his head and looked at me. He humphed, then looked away again. I slipped and fell, hit my head, and then I woke up.”

There was another uncomfortable silence.

“That’s it?” Levi said, although after saying that he wasn’t sure if he sounded insensitive. If he did, that wasn’t the intention.

Erwin turned his head. “Yes, that’s it. Like I said,” he looked back at the sky. “Strange dream.”

“We never found him,” Hange mourned. “After Moblit went to Ragako, he searched the area he was told Mike and his squad had separated in and found nothing. He found a horse’s corpse in some ruined houses, but nothing else.”

Levi felt a little out of place in the suddenly grim environment. Sure, he had grown to respect Mike throughout their time serving together. The first time they met, Mike had bulldozed through a wall to manhandle Levi, and then proceeded to stick his head in filthy water. He had wanted to kill him at the moment, but respected his strength. After that, Mike became the only one, along with Erwin, to see Levi in his lowest moment—after he lost Furlan and Isabel. The moment Erwin awoke something in him and made him decide he wanted to follow him.

He did respect Mike, and silently mourned his loss. But he couldn’t feel the same way Hange and Erwin did now.

Erwin moved his head, still hiding his face, but showing enough of his profile for Levi to see the painful frown on his expression.

Levi’s brows furrowed slightly, not having seen Erwin show this kind of emotion in… well, he couldn’t remember.

He looked at Hange, and she bore the same expression.

“So…” Erwin broke the silence, and the other two looked at him. “So he died… alone.”

Levi clenched his jaw. “Seems that way.”

Erwin closed his eyes for three seconds, then opened them as he took a large, quiet breath. He held it for two seconds, then exhaled quietly. And just that quickly, he rewired himself, not wanting to linger on this moment of weakness any longer.

It really hurt. But they had to move forward. The busier he got, the less he’d get to think about it.

That’s why he wanted and insisted on being a busy man. Always. On sleeping late. Doing paperwork. His mind always had to be on the run, otherwise he’d think about those who had fallen, he’d think about **_him_** , and he couldn’t afford that.

If he didn’t want to lose the little sliver of reason he had left, he couldn’t afford that. He had to get to that basement. He had to forget the useless wish of wanting Mike to be right there, to shake his hand and say “we did it.” To shake the hand in both gratitude and fondness towards the only man who believed in him from the moment they met as cadets and Erwin would ramble in the mess hall. Everyone would mock him. Even his closest friend Nile.

But not him.

 _Damn,_ he thought, biting the inside of his lip.

“The basement,” Erwin said. “Did you go there?”

“No,” Levi replied while looking at Hange, whose gaze was still grimly fixated on the floor. “We thought it was best to wait for your orders.”

“Good,” the Commander replied, walking towards the bed, stretching his arms. “Then we need to get going.”

Levi nodded as Erwin put on a white cardigan. The cloth seemed to wave gracefully as he put it on.

“Hange,” Erwin walked past her, snapping her from her thoughts. “Let’s go.”

He didn’t want her to linger on the pain he knew she was feeling. They couldn’t afford to get weak.

Leaned against the wall, she observed the two men leave. She looked down and hesitated. She banged her head against the wall, wishing she could stitch her heart’s wounds.

She sighed, and followed the silhouette of the tall, blond man—the way she always followed him, and the way she always would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know when I'll update again. Also, I drew this a couple of days after posting this fan-fiction. It's supposed to be the part where Erwin emerges from the Titan. Don't laugh, I'm still learning. http://bipabrena.tumblr.com/image/178407090579
> 
> I hope you liked the chapter, I'm sorry if you didn't :c please leave some kudos and a comment if you did! Support means a lot to me ;-; 
> 
> Also, in future chapters, just like there was Mike appreciation here, there will be Kenny appreciation ;3 he was important to Levi, and I plan to deepen that fact. I love u kenny. And don't you worry guys, Levi will be full-blown obsessed with Erwin soon oifsdfoikfioskjoisdjfoisdjfiodsjofjsofjosj I'll try to keep him mature, of course, but remember, this started as a self-indulgent fic and that ain't changing LOL
> 
> Oh and by the way....
> 
> PRIVATE BOOKMARKS ARE TRASH AND THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE ;-;


	3. The x Basement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally updating after a long ass time. Well, if there's anyone interested enough in this fic to await for updates, I'm sorry for taking so long, and I hope the chapter was worth the wait! It's a little long to make up for it.
> 
> For reference, by quivering eyes (just to present exactly what I mean) I mean this: https://giphy.com/gifs/1QeuPQKB6rf02CopNK/fullscreen

Hange readied the horses for herself, Levi and Erwin, while Eren groomed his own. Mikasa’s tired eyes focused on her water sack. She glanced at Eren every now and then.

Jean was resting, while Connie sat by Sasha’s bedside, bickering during her recovery.

Only those five would go to the basement.

Erwin, in his room, looked at himself in the mirror as he buttoned down his shirt. It felt strange being able to do it with ease. And, while he dearly appreciated Levi’s help, he was glad he didn’t have to hear him offer to fold his clothes. Who would have thought that not needing his help with such a basic task would bring indescribable joy to Erwin?

He felt whole again.

He now held immense power. They won the battle for Shiganshina. They’ll see the basement and understand the truth of the world. He’ll prove his father right, his dream will have come true.

And with that, he, the Survey Corps—humanity, will know who to direct this anger at. They’ll find out who the enemy is and restore peace.

He knitted his eyebrows at himself in determination.

Yes, no one will have died in vain.

While he thought to himself, Levi was outside, leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, waiting for him.

He was taking deep, long breaths, but he wasn’t sure why. It seemed that every time he exhaled, his breath would shake a little. There was a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach, one he couldn’t stop thinking about.

He was a man of routine, and, since Erwin lost his arm, or rather, for the time he didn’t have his right arm, Levi was the one who tidied up his room and folded his clothes while he showered. Naturally, he’d feel a little lost at this change of routine. But no, that wasn’t it. The feeling was different.

And things were different, too. Why was he there, waiting for Erwin as he showered, freshened up, possibly did… things a man would do.

He didn’t have to.

He knew Erwin was fine, completely fine and safe inside that room, so why did he feel compelled to stay outside, as though guarding him? As though some freak accident would happen and no one would know unless Levi stood guard outside?

He clicked his tongue in annoyance at himself.

He continued pondering, thinking about the anxiety he had been feeling the last three days and how he felt even more distraught now that Erwin was awake, alive and well.

It was strange to describe. He felt distraught, but… in a different way.

Not like when you lose someone. It’s something more intense, more powerful. Something like—

Something loud thumped inside.

Levi gasped, body perking up immediately. He wasted no time to barge inside the room.

“Erwin!” he shouted, eyes widened and pupils dilated.

“Levi!?” he heard a pantless Erwin yell over the intrusion. He instinctively covered himself to protect his modesty.

Levi’s body relaxed at the sight of no danger, his grip on the door handle softening.

They stared at each other in shock for a couple of seconds, until Erwin finally relaxed. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

As he awaited for an answer, he put on his pants. He was grateful he had been in his underwear. It would’ve been embarrassing for him had Levi seen him naked.

“Uh…” Levi quickly pondered for an answer, embarrassed for intruding on him. “No, I…”

“You frightened me,” Erwin grinned at him, which made Levi’s lips curve into a slight smile. He immediately reversed it the second he realised he was smiling. “I thought there was an emergency. That one of the Walls had been breached or something.”

“I heard something,” Levi let go of the handle. “A loud thump. I thought your old ass fell.”

Erwin shook his head in laughter as he put on his jacket. “I’m not decrepit yet, you know.”

Levi laughed internally.

“Besides,” Erwin put his right arm up. “look at this. There’s no need for you to concern yourself with me anymore.”

He meant well, he wanted to imply he wouldn’t be a burden to Levi anymore, but Levi couldn’t help feeling hurt.

Did Erwin not like having Levi around to help?

“Yeah,” Levi crossed his arms. “You know I hate carrying dead weight.”

Erwin’s smile was as plain as day as he put on his straps. He missed doing this.

That smile. It made Levi feel…

He then chuckled to himself. Thankfully Erwin didn’t hear it.

It was the smile that cured all ills, the veterans would joke.

 _“Listen here Commander Handsome, your tricks won’t work on me,”_ one of the Military Police higher-ups had said during a heated meeting about funding. Mike had snorted so loudly he was forced to leave the room, which subsequently made Hange leave as well. When Mike remembered Erwin’s innocent, genuinely confused expression after that comment, he burst into laughter outside, as Hange leaned forward holding her knees for support. She felt she was going to pee herself as she held onto Mike for dear life, the two cackling with tears on their eyes.

Erwin’s expression just made it all better.

Naturally, it was a serious situation. The higher-up said it to most likely reference how a female Captain had fallen for Erwin’s charms (although that wasn’t his intention and he hadn’t tried to), and authorised shared funding the Military Police deemed useless.

It did help the Survey Corps, and it ultimately did benefit them, but at the time, they thought it was ridiculous.

Levi had kept a straight face during the ordeal, though he did find the situation absurd and comical. More than anything, however, he had felt pride in Erwin.

Why, though?

He sighed quietly and then realised it was a little creepy he was standing there spacing out as Erwin got dressed.

“Well, if you don’t need anything, then I’ll—“

“Yes, thank you, Levi,” he smiled brightly at him.

“Um…” he muttered at being interrupted. “I’ll be outside.”

“Mhm.”

Levi slowly closed the door but stopped before fully shutting it. He wanted to… say that, but should he?

“If…” he mumbled. “If you need help with anything just let me know.”

Erwin’s brows furrowed fondly. “Don’t worry, Levi. You can go on ahead and saddle the horses with Hange. I’ll be out soon.”

He quietly shut the door.

That wasn’t an order, was it? So it’d be fine if Levi waited outside anyway, right?

Against his better judgment, he chose to stay. Just for a little bit longer. When he hears him coming, he’ll just bolt out of there.

 _Damn,_ he bit his inner lip. _Why am I doing this?_

He clenched his jaw, annoyed at how creepy he was being.

No, no. It’s not necessary. Erwin will be fine. Nothing’s going to happen to him. But… what if it does? What if he slipped? What if the MPs came to take him? What if the Beast Titan showed up to finish the job and—

No, now he was being ridiculous. Surely the Beast Titan wouldn’t return so soon. Reinforcements would take a long time, specially after losing the Female and Colossus.

He placed a hand over his head, feeling a slight headache.

 _Ugh…_ He groaned, not understanding what was brewing inside him.

Few moments after starting pace, the door now a couple of feet from him opened. Hand still on head, he looked back at an immaculate Erwin.

Perfectly dressed and styled. Commander Handsome, indeed.

“Oh, Levi?” He said, adjusting his pockets for the last time. “I thought you were with Hange by now.”

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “I was just about to go.”

Erwin shook off the fact that Levi had been standing there the entire time after he “left” due to the worry now plastered in his face. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Hurry up, will you?”

They walked in silence, but Levi subtly rubbed the side of his head. What was this sudden headache?

He then felt a hand on his shoulder stop him. He confusedly looked up at Erwin, who gave him a worried glance. He squeezed his shoulder reassuringly, which tugged Levi’s heart.

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

His breath hitched.

He wanted to speak, but he was afraid he would stutter.

“I’m fine, let’s go.”

He hastened pace, but Erwin once more stopped him. He now placed both hands on his shoulders, looking down at him with the kindest expression. “If you’re not feeling well, we can delay the entry to the basement.”

Levi couldn’t stop his eyes from widening and mouth from opening.

“What?” he shook his head. “Quit the shitty nonsense. It’s about time we get it over with, it’s been three days already.” He crossed his arms. “Tch, if you don’t want me to go you just have to say so.”

Erwin snorted.

“And what’s with this?” he motioned to the way Erwin held him.

“Sorry,” Erwin apologised sincerely. “I didn’t know it made you uncomfortable,” he let go.

 _Fuck,_ Levi damned himself in his mind.

“It doesn’t. It was just a question,” he snapped, perhaps too quickly.

“In any case, it’s not that I don’t want you there. I’m telling you we can delay it **_precisely_** because I want you there.”

Levi’s brows furrowed. “What?”

Erwin smiled fondly. “This has all been possible because of you. You’re the one who made this dream a reality. It’s because of you we’ll learn the truth of the world, Levi. You’ve been there every step of the way. Even if it’s not your dream, no one deserves it more than you.”

Levi stared at him in awe.

“You know…” Erwin looked away, smiling gently. “When I was charging at the Beast Titan, leading all those soldiers to their deaths, even then I couldn’t feel fear. Yes, I knew it was the end for me, and there will always be intricate dread in that. But even then, I felt at ease. I knew nothing would have been in vain, because you would be the one to kill the bastard.”

The Captain’s eyes narrowed in overwhelmingness.

“Even though I wanted to go to that basement more than anything, I had no regrets. I knew that was the right decision. Specially because I knew you’d survive no matter what, and that you’d be the one to go there. Alone, or with the rest. But I knew for a fact you’d be there. That made me feel at peace.”

“So, we’ll go to the basement when **_you’re_** ready.”

Erwin’s fond expression then shifted to one of shock.

Levi’s eyes were quivering. Glistening. He wanted to point it out, call out his name questioningly, but the last thing he wanted was to embarrass Levi. He seemed to be in a complete trance, staring at Erwin with those quivering eyes.

The display of emotion completely shocked Erwin.

In reality, it was more than a display of emotion. Something was happening, rewiring inside Levi.

When Erwin was silently confirmed they should continue and began pace, Levi had been left behind for a moment.

His body quivered in joy. Erwin's imperial tone, eyes full of commanding force during what he just said; the Captain found himself overcome with emotion, but he was still too spaced out to understand it.

He looked at him, at that man, turn when realising Levi wasn’t following. He saw him stretch his hand with a smile, as though telling Levi to join him. To continue, so they could live Erwin’s dream—together.

White light seemed to encapsulate that man while everything around him darkened and blurred. Levi could only see **_him_** , focus on **_him_**.

His arms dropped to his sides and he continued walking, refusing to meet the other man’s gaze.

* * *

"Oi!" shouted Hange cheerfully when seeing the two men walk towards them. She had been sitting by a ledge, fidgeting her legs as she impatiently waited for them. She was glad to see them, mostly because she didn’t exactly love being alone in midst of the extreme tension between Mikasa and Eren right now.

"Hange," the Commander smiled. Mikasa immediately stood up, while Eren remained seated, legs brought to his chest. "Mikasa, Eren," he directed himself to the two of them. "I'm glad to see you're well."

"Thank you. Likewise, Commander," Mikasa said. Eren didn't say anything. Mikasa looked at him in concern. 

"Oi, brat," Levi raised his voice, drawing Eren's attention. "The Commander's talking to you," he sniped. "Do you have shit for brains or have you simply lost your etiquette?"

Hange’s lips parted in surprise. Levi had been nothing short of understanding and empathetic with Eren, so this sudden outburst surprised her.

Eren stood up, almost robotically, and spoke “I apologise, Commander. That was very rude of me.” His eyes refused to meet his, tone equally as robotic. “I’m glad to see you’re alive as well.”

Erwin quietly cleared his throat in awkwardness. His eyes darted to Levi, shooting him a look.

Something in the likes of _“it’s fine,”_ and _“that’s unnecessary.”_

Levi’s lips parted. He looked away, partly embarrassed.

The awkwardness increased by the second. Erwin wasn’t sure of whether to mention Armin or not—if to mention his great service and how he appreciated his sacrifice to defeat Bertolt.

Was it too soon?

Perhaps he’d pour salt into these two’s wounds, but if he didn’t mention him, would he look inconsiderate and have the same effect?

He bit his inner lip, shooting a glance at Hange, asking in his mind for her to do something.

And almost immediately, she noticed and acted accordingly. He sighed a breath of relief, thanking that queen for always getting him out of sticky situations.

“Well!” she yelled. “We should get going, right? I’m sure there’s a lot of things we want to say to each other, but we should focus on the basement right now. This is the moment we’ve all been waiting for!”

Erwin hadn’t noticed until now that during the uncomfortable, tense silence between Mikasa, Eren and he, Levi had been petting his own horse. The kind animal licked his hand and nuzzled him, and Levi looked at it back with peace in his expression.

He smiled at the sight.

“You’re right, Hange-san,” said Eren. God, what a grim, depressing, lifeless tone. It could truly make one feel pity.

Eren got on his horse. Mikasa followed after, and Erwin noted how she was _willingly_ creating as much distance as possible between she and Eren. The girl always had a hard time staying two feet away from him and now she was willingly getting away? What was that about?

What was **_this_** tension about?

And why, just why did he feel so much resentment oozing from Eren?

He shook it off, mounting his distinctive and trademark white stallion. The other two emulated him.

He kicked it and led the way, his subordinates following.

The thundering of hooves split the silence as the four mares and white stallion galloped through the empty landscape, completely untouched by humans.

And during most of the ride, Levi observed Erwin.

_“You’re the one that made this dream a reality.”_

_“I had no regrets.”_

_“I knew that was the right decision. Because I knew you’d survive no matter what.”_

_He wanted me to survive…_ Levi tightened his grip on the reins. _Even at the cost of his life. At the cost of all these men's lives.  
_

His calm eyes glanced at him.

 _Erwin,_ he smiled.

Unbeknownst to him, Hange noticed this display of emotion. Her mouth opened, looking at the Captain, bouncing with each gallop, smiling at Erwin.

**Smiling.**

It was the first time she…

 _What…?_ She thought, utterly puzzled. _Well… I can’t blame him,_ she glanced at Erwin as well. _I’m glad he’s still kicking, too._

She then looked at Eren and Mikasa—at their grim expressions, at that look of emptiness in their eyes. A look she knew too well. She frowned as she looked ahead again, feeling guilty. She and Levi had done nothing wrong by saving their friend and Commander, who also happened to be humanity’s beacon and guide, but the guilt was there nevertheless.

After hours of riding, they finally reached their destination.

The five soldiers unmounted their horses, looking ahead at Shiganshina.

“It’s empty,” Erwin stated the obvious. “I figured the Garrison would be here by now, or at least that preparations were underway.”

“I told you,” Levi tied his horse. “We were awaiting your command.”

“Eren,” Erwin called, pointing in front of himself, as to signal him to lead the way.

He complied, tightly holding the key around his neck.

Mikasa stayed behind him, and the five of them walked for minutes—until Eren halted. His eyes slowly widened, lips curving down.

Carla’s slipper.

“Is this the house?” Hange asked.

“Yes,” Mikasa responded for Eren.

He stood frozen in place, so the rest did the same.

Mikasa placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Let’s go,” she muttered.

His eyes narrowed in sadness.

Several wooden piles were blocking the way. Eren, Levi and Mikasa moved the largest and heaviest one, while Hange moved the smaller ones. Erwin easily moved the medium-sized ones despite the heavy weight, but struggled moving the much larger and thicker ones.

Levi immediately let go of the pillar he was helping Eren and Mikasa with when noticing his struggle and unnecessarily ran to Erwin’s aid.

If not for Mikasa’s strength, the pillar would’ve fallen on Eren.

But it wouldn’t have hurt him too bad, and it would’ve been a funny sight in an otherwise mirthful circumstance.

Mikasa knit her brows together at Levi in irritation.

The heavy pillar suddenly weighted nothing for Erwin, and he noticed Levi behind him.

“Oh, Levi,” he rose a brow. “I can handle it.”

“No…” Levi snatched the pillar from him and easily put it away. “Just stand back while we handle it.”

Erwin squinted. Levi meant well, but Erwin felt insulted at the implication. Did he truly consider him so weak he couldn’t lift heavy things?

Ironically, it was much like when Mikasa snatched heavy objects away from Eren to carry them for him.

Eren immediately understood.

He then heard Mikasa produce a small groan, and noticed she was moving away a large column on her own. She was perfectly capable of moving it alone, but it **_was_** heavy, and she was slightly struggling.

Eren hurried to help her. They carried it on their shoulders, and made eye contact. She looked at him sadly, and he blushed. This made her smile slightly, but he looked away and tried to ignore her gaze.

“Okay,” Levi said. “We can get down now.”

They walked down the stairs, and Eren recalled all the moments he asked his father when he’d show him the basement, and the cryptic responses his father gave him every single time.

_“When you realise the most important thing of all.”_

What had he meant by that?

When he realised humanity needed to fight for freedom?

When he decided he wanted to join the Survey Corps?

Possibly. After Mikasa revealed his secret, Grisha did say he’d show him the basement.

 _Dad…_ Eren frowned.

“Go on, Eren,” Erwin encouraged him to open the door.

Eren nodded, and complied, but panicked when the key didn’t fit the keyhole. “No way…”

“What? Hurry up,” Levi commanded.

“I-it won’t open. The key doesn’t fit,” he turned to look at them in panic.

“But… that’s the key Dr. Yeager gave you. It has to be that one,” Mikasa said.

“But it won’t fit, I swear,” his voice cracked.

“Tch,” he moved Eren out of the way. “Just stand back, I’ll open it.”

He kicked the door down with ease.

“Well,” Hange smiled at Erwin. “That’s one way to do it.”

He smiled back at her.

They walked in, quietly and slowly, as though the swiftest move would destroy the room.

“Hm…” Hange said. She and Erwin explored the shelves, while Levi looked around the medicine cabinets. “It looks like any normal doctor’s office. Anything, Levi?”

“No,” he grabbed two bottles and examined them. “All the medicines are labelled as the same you’d find in a normal hospital.”

Erwin took out several books and scoured behind the shelves, in hope of finding a door or anything.

“Hey,” Levi addressed Eren and Mikasa, who had been standing idly by. Eren was clearly distressed at the lack of findings. “Erwin’s instincts are never off the mark, and your father wouldn’t entrust to you something so important to him after doing so much to retake the Founding if there were nothing of value here, so d—“

“That’s right, Eren,” Erwin interrupted Levi, attempting to give Eren some confidence. “You won’t find at first glance anything important. After all, the room needed to appear normal enough to fool the MPs.”

“Right,” Levi continued. “So don’t just stand there. Get your hands busy!”

“Sir!” they nodded.

Erwin moved the bookshelves and found nothing. Eren and Mikasa looked around the desk.

“Eren!” she called. “There’s a keyhole in this drawer!”

He immediately crouched next to her. “You’re right!” he smiled at her.

The veterans got behind them in anticipation. Eren successfully opened the drawer, but was disappointed again. “It’s… empty!?” he said, mortified.

“Look closer,” Levi told him. “It’s a false bottom.”

Eren removed the small plank, revealing the drawer’s true contents.

“Three books?” Erwin said.

“They smell like peppermint oil and charcoal,” said Hange, “most likely to prevent moisture and keep bugs away. He didn’t put this care onto the other medical books.”

“So, it’s what we’re looking for,” said Levi.

“Dad…” Eren muttered, placing a white book on the desk. “What is it you wanted to show me?”

He held on to the cover, hand slightly shaking. Mikasa placed her hand below his, holding on to it as well. She looked at a visibly shaken Eren with determined eyes, in hopes to give him morale.

They opened it at the same time, and Erwin moved Levi aside to take a better look.

Their eyes widened simultaneously.

“A portrait? Who could have drawn it?” Mikasa asked.

“It’s too elaborate to be a drawing,” Hange said, recalling Moblit’s own drawings. "There's no way a human can be so precise."

“Eren,” Erwin said hurriedly. “Turn it around.”

He complied.

_“This is not an illustration. This is an imprint of the subjects’ reflected light on a special kind of paper. It is known as a photograph. I came from beyond the walls, where humanity enjoys a refined existence.”_

And at the very bottom was written…

Erwin whimpered and he felt chills go up his spine.

_“Humanity has not perished.”_

They were in silence for too long, all five equally too shocked to talk.

“Humanity hasn’t perished…” Eren quoted. “Commander?” he looked at Erwin, awaiting guidance.

“Humanity… hasn’t perished…” Erwin whispered, eyes immensely widened, mouth hanging.

 _Father…_ He grit his teeth. _You were right!_

“Commander?” Eren reiterated.

“Erwin?” Levi cooed in concern.

He couldn’t stop himself from holding his sleeve and pulling it down, like an innocent, inquiring child.

He looked down at Levi, and Erwin’s eyes wavered slightly.

His eyes…

 _Your expression…_ Erwin’s lips parted. _Your expression has changed._

He thought this while looking directly at Levi’s clear, glistening eyes. The dark circles under them were still there, but his eyes were different.

He then knit his brows together in query. _Just what happened while I was gone?_

“Commander?” Eren said again.

He gently took the photograph from Eren’s hands, and looked at it. “You guys…” he muttered.

“You’ve done something incredible. Eren,” he looked at his eyes. “You’ve done well. Your father would be proud of you.”

Eren blinked in slight confusion. “Thank you, Commander.”

“Erwin, what do we do now?” Hange asked.

“All of you, we’re going to survey the area. Bring your saddlebags, we’re going to take everything we can from this place. I don’t want to take the slightest chance of anything happening between the time we leave to bring the Garrison and the others to begin preparations.”

They all nodded.

He then placed a hand on Eren and Mikasa’s shoulder. “If you want to take a moment to revisit your home, you can do so. Feel free to take your time and take anything you want. You’ve earned it.”

They frowned sadly. “Thank you,” Eren said, looking down.

Eren began pace, but stopped when Mikasa said, “Commander.”

They all looked at her.

“Armin…” her eyes narrowed sadly. “Armin’s body is still here. Can we please retrieve it? It’s already been three days.” She looked up. “He deserves to be put to rest.”

Eren’s eyes watered.

 _“I just wish you understood you’re not the only one who’s hurting,”_ he remembered her telling him.

“Of course, Mikasa,” Erwin replied softly. “I’m sorry you had to wait this long.”

Her eyes began to sting, and tears welled up when feeling Eren wrap his fingers around hers. She looked at him in surprise.

“Let’s go,” he mumbled, keeping her close to him.

Hange smiled, understanding the situation. She chuckled in relief as she left the basement, knowing that horrid tension would finally dissipate.

Levi was prepared to leave, but felt a tug in the hood of his cape. He looked back at Erwin.

“?”

Erwin smiled sweetly at him, eyes narrowed in overcome emotion. “Levi…” he placed both hands on his shoulders. “Thank you.”

He broke distance between them, and Levi’s mouth hung, heart feeling like it would explode.

“Thank you so much, Levi,” Erwin did the unthinkable, he broke the Commander character—he turned into a child again, and leaned down to hug Levi as tightly as he could.

Levi was too shocked to return the hug. Erwin expected this, because he knew Levi never showed emotion. He even expected him to push him.

But that’s not why he didn’t return it. Had Erwin known why, he would have never expected the way Levi’s heart furiously thumped against his chest, how he held his breath and how his brows furrowed and mouth hung in complete shock.

It was an extreme display of emotion, from both sides.

And then it happened, which momentarily broke Erwin’s childlike reverie.

Levi closed his eyes and returned the hug, wishing this moment never ended—hoping time froze.

He squeezed his eyes shut, and felt them sting.

Erwin then remembered how much he wished Mike were here, how he wished he could shake his hand and hug him as well. But he couldn’t. So he hugged Levi even more tightly, as though to compensate for Mike’s absence. He then pulled back after a full minute of hugging, and looked directly at Levi, still curious of the immense change in his expression.

“Let’s go, Levi,” he commanded. “Hmph,” he smiled, shaking his head. “I got carried away. Let’s go, now. There’s a lot of work to do now we’ve recaptured Shiganshina.”

Levi was left behind, observing Erwin’s dissipating silhouette. He replayed that moment in his head, and reflexively clutched his chest, not understanding why he was doing it, why his body and heart felt the way they did.

He then looked at his palms and clenched his fists so tightly they scrunch. He vowed to slaughter the Beast Titan, to finish the bearded piece of shit that got away by pure luck. He recalled the fear of observing a dying Erwin, and vowed to never leave his side again.

He will never, ever leave him again. He will protect him at all costs.

He will serve as his arms and legs. He will acquire anything he wishes, fulfil all of his desires.

His eyes sunk.

And no one’s getting in the way of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, remember the tags and when I said Levi becomes obsessive? Well, yeah. I guess it's happening lmao. 
> 
> I love Erwin Smith and he deserves the world. I reiterate this fic is 100% self-indulgent. 
> 
> If you liked the chapter, please leave kudos and a comment, support means so much to me. If there's people who are interested in the fic and are enjoying it, I really want to know. Moreover, if you *aren't* liking the fic, I'm also interested in knowing why. I happily accept all criticism because I really want to improve.


	4. Awakening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOOOOOOOOOOOOLY MOTHER OF LONG CHAPTERS
> 
> I hope you like it

The pain… it was unbearable. It wasn’t sharp like a needle or knife, it burned Erwin’s insides like boiling water. Everything around him felt scorched, but aside from the heat, the worst thing was how he was barely able to move his body. It’s as though he was tied underwater, being dragged down by something impossibly heavy. He opened his mouth as his jaw trembled. He then grit his teeth and screamed at the top of his lungs.

What was left of the Survey Corps were forced to cover their ears, using their full strength to stay in place and not be blown away by the immense gust of wind pushing past them.

“Ah!” Sasha yelled as she was blown back. She anchored her hooks on a nearby tree to stay in place.

Levi took a step forward, drawing his blades, biting the inside of his lower lip in concern.

He was prepared to anchor his hooks onto the Colossus, climb up to tell Erwin to please stop, that he was overexerting himself.

But Hange noticed and she held his shoulder, eye barely open from the amount of wind slapping her face.

“Don’t!” she yelled. “You’ll get scorched!”

“But he’s in pain! He’s going to—“

“He can regenerate!” Hange pulled Levi closer to her. “You can’t! Just stand back!”

Levi looked at her, then up at the Colossus and back down at her. He chose to obey.

Mikasa put her hands up to protect her face, unable to see anything as her scarf flew up and covered her vision. She grit her teeth when feeling heat engulf her skin. She heard a guttural groan and looked up to find Eren’s titan lowering his hand. He placed it in front of her, and she immediately jumped on. He groaned again and captured the attention of Sasha, Connie, Jean, Floch and Hange, but Levi was still too concerned looking up at the Colossus. They all ran towards Eren.

“Captain!” Mikasa yelled.

“Captain, hurry!” Floch followed.

Levi scowled at them, and angrily looked up at the Colossus once more. “Tch!” he sheathed his swords and ran towards Eren, hopping on his hand.

Eren ran to create as much distance as he could between Erwin’s titan and them.

Around three hundred metres away from the Colossus, Eren hid behind a large, thick tree. He peeked his head over it to look in the distance. Even from here they could feel the residue of the hot, gusting wind.

“Shit!” Hange yelled. “He’s going overboard!”

“What do we do?” Floch asked. “How do we get him to stop? We can’t go anywhere near him!”

They all looked at Hange, awaiting instructions. She looked back at them and frowned when noticing Levi’s worried, imploring expression. She averted his gaze and looked back at the Colossus.

“We have to let him burn out,” she sat down. “It’s all we can do.”

 _This is not even close to how Eren’s first transformations were,_ she thought.

“How did Bertolt do it?” Hange muttered. “He had excellent dominion even after years of not using it. What kind of training did they put him through?” she asked to herself.

“Bertolt was third in our class,” Connie remarked. “He was really shy and didn’t have any initiative, that affected his grade a lot. But he was skilled, that probably has to do with it.”

“How do you know that?” Mikasa asked.

“The instructor gave us a final report after graduation, remember? After we joined the Corps, Jean was arguing because he scored lower than Eren. We compared reports with Reiner and Bertolt. The instructor said he excelled at everything and had crazy potential, but lacked initiative, which brought his grade down.”

“So, he was skilled,” Hange observed. “That’s why they entrusted him the most dangerous titan.”

Connie nodded sadly, taking a short glance at Sasha, who hugged her knees. These two had been the most affected by Bertolt and Reiner’s betrayal.

“But that still doesn’t answer what experiments they put him through. We know so very little about titan shifters. Every titan, be it Eren’s, the Female Form or Armoured—all must have different training regimes.”

“It’s possible, but I think Connie means that it must not be just the experiments themselves, but the ability of the person wielding the titan,” Mikasa observed.

Levi stifled a scowl, “Are you saying Erwin doesn’t have the skill to carry the Colossus?”

Mikasa’s eyes wavered, and his imposing eyes made all fall into an uncomfortable silence.

“Of course not,” she said coolly. “I just meant that it may be one possibility to why Bertolt handled it so well even after years of not using it, Captain.”

“And we don’t know how it was for Bertolt in the beginning, or if he even used it at or to its full potential” Hange continued. “So, how skilled or talented he was is meaningless. The key is in constant experimentation, just like we did with Eren. It’s the burden of being ignorant.”

Suddenly, the ground shook, almost like a short earthquake, and a violent gust of wind pushed past them.

“Hange-san, look!” Sasha shouted.

The Colossus had fallen.

“Let’s go, Eren!” Hange commanded.

Eren stood up immediately and ran at full speed. He covered the distance in merely fourteen seconds.

“Erwin!” Hange shouted, jumping off Eren’s hand. Levi followed behind her.

She hopped on the giant nape. “Ah, shit! Hot, hot, hot!” she ran in place. She then slipped and fell back, landing on the ground. Her quick use of the 3DM gear lessened the fall, preventing injury.

“Hange-san!” Jean yelled in concern.

Levi ran to her aid. “Is he okay?” he helped her up.

She looked at him blankly for a couple of seconds, and burst into subtle chuckling. She wasn’t expecting **_that_**.

“I don’t know,” her worried expression returned. “It’s too hot. We have to wait a few minutes.”

“Tch…”

Eren’s titan kneeled. He then emerged from the nape, careful to not tear the connected flesh. “Is the Commander alright?” he asked.

“We have to wait,” Mikasa said, crouched on his shoulder.

“Conny, Sasha!” Hange called. “Bring the water and towels!”

“Yes!”

Levi anchored his hooks and hopped on the Colossus’ nape.

“Hey, wait!” Hange yelled. “It’s still too hot!”

Levi completely ignored her.

He made a clean cut on the nape, ignoring the burning on his knees. His eyes widened when seeing Erwin. He sheathed the blade and locked his arms from behind. He tightly held Erwin against him and worriedly looked at his face.

“Erwin?” he whispered in his ear.

He placed two fingers over his windpipe and took his pulse. Yes, he knew Erwin was alive, but he still felt the need to do so.

“Ugh…” he mumbled, resting his forehead on Erwin’s steaming shoulder.

He hated having him do all this.

“Captain!” Sasha’s voice drew his attention. “Here!” she handed over the large water sack and towel.

He opened the sack with his mouth, wrapping one arm around Erwin to keep him in place. He felt the fabric of his pants gradually rip, exposing his knees. They were starting to hurt. He’ll need to put some ointment on them later.

He poured water over Erwin’s face. He slicked his hair back, damping it, too.

“Levi?” Hange called.

While they waited, Eren’s mind began to wander. He thought deeply about how Armin should be in the Commander’s place, and he in the Captain’s. He should be holding Armin like that right now. If Mikasa had fought harder… if her heart hadn’t wavered over Hange’s speech. No, it wasn’t just her. If he hadn’t been too weak to move, he could’ve snatched the serum.

Dammit, it shouldn’t have been Erwin. He shouldn’t be alive.

His lip began quivering. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to control himself, prevent the tears from welling up. Mikasa noticed this.

“Eren…” she frowned.

He looked at her, trying to hold back a scowl. He had to stop blaming her. He had to stop. She was hurting, too. And they were on decent terms since leaving the basement, he shouldn’t ruin that.

But every time he recalled how she gave up… it made him sick to his stomach. It made him hate her.

He flinched when feeling her comforting hand on his shoulder.

They heard a small cough.

“Erwin!?” Levi called.

Erwin slowly opened his eyes. They remained half-closed, and he opened his mouth slightly to take a breath.

His pupils trailed up to look at a blurry Levi, who intensely watched his every move. He blinked several times, until Levi’s worried expression became clearer, and Erwin immediately noted his eyes.

That new expression, there it was again. The larger eyes and pupils, the new gleam. Why? Even in his intense exhaustion he wondered why it had changed so much.

He tried to speak, but could only produce a very faint, inaudible murmur.

“It’s okay, Erwin,” Levi comforted. “You don’t have to do anything. Just blink if you can understand me.”

Erwin did so, and would have laughed if he had the energy.

“I’m going to give you some water, try to open your mouth.”

He closed his eyes as Levi fed him water.

Worried about the steam, Levi poured water all over Erwin’s body, and he noticed how his expression immediately relaxed. He completely ignored the painful burning on his own knees.

“I’m going to get you out of this filth, it may hurt so brace yourself.”

He pulled Erwin back, and Erwin groaned when the flesh connected to his face tore.

Despite his size, Levi managed to hold Erwin under his arm, and landed gracefully on the ground.

Hange noticed the exposed flesh on his knees. She ignored it.

“He’s alright,” he told Hange.

“Alright,” she sighed in relief. “Put him down.”

Erwin slowly gained full consciousness after fifteen minutes. He was resting his head on Hange’s thighs.

“You alright, Erwin?” she smiled at him chummily.

He snorted, “I’m alright, Hange.”

“Alright, then get up,” she pushed him up. “You’re not exactly lightweight.”

He chuckled, putting a hand over his head as he sat up. “What happened? Did I lose control again?”

“Yeah,” she pursed her lips. “But you didn’t hurt anyone. You just emitted a lot of heat. Do you remember anything?”

He sighed, dizzily trying to get up. Levi hastened to help him, which he accepted.

“It’s so hot,” he rubbed his nape, slowly spinning his head around. “It feels like I’m chained and boiling alive, all at once.”

Eren looked down, trying to hold the tears in. _Boiled alive, huh?_ He thought, looking back up at the Commander. _Armin was scorched to death._ He clenched his jaw, eyebrows furrowed in anger. _You have it easy._

 _“If only he had died before Floch got to him…”_ was what Eren was truly thinking.

Levi, at once, noticed the belligerent way in which Eren observed Erwin. It didn’t take a genius to understand the situation. Knowing how temperamental and impulsive Eren was, and how he was willing to threaten his life along with anyone else’s who got in his way to save Armin, Levi was able to see right through Eren—as though he emitted an aura with an unmasked state of mind.

Eren’s trance was then broken when feeling Levi’s darkened eyes pierce him.

He tried to glare back, stand up for himself, but immediately regretted his hasty, arrogant decision. Levi’s eyes sank colder, and it made him feel utterly naked. Like he was standing in midst of a blizzard. He was forced to avert his gaze almost immediately.

He was unable to concentrate on the on-going conversation. He could only think of and feel the cold eyes looming over him.

He felt like if he made one wrong move, Levi’s fangs would surely reach his throat.

Was Eren’s hostility really so strong that Levi picked it up with such ease? Or were his senses simply honed to the extreme?

For a moment he felt guilty, because the Commander had done nothing wrong. He was more resentful of him, who did not choose to be saved, than of Levi and Hange, who fought to let Armin die.

His anger was misplaced.

He pursed his lips and felt a drop of sweat run down his forehead.

“Eren?” Mikasa’s comforting voice brought him back to reality. Her soft gaze made him feel a little better. “What’s wrong?” she asked, noticing his mortified expression. “Have you remembered something?”

Sure, he could pretend to be swarmed with the memories he had been recollecting recently. It would be easier to explain.

Or…

“I just miss him today, that’s all,” he muttered weakly.

He could just tell her the truth. A modified truth.

She looked down sadly. There was nothing more to be said.

Eren looked forward again, wanting to hear what the Commander and Hange were talking about, but he willingly took a quick glance at Levi, and found him still staring at him.

_“If he were an enemy, he might cause more trouble than that intel’s worth. He still can’t stand against me, though.”_

_“Can you do it, Levi?” asked Premiere Zachary._

_“If you mean killing him, it’s no problem.”_

_What the hell…_ Eren put a hand over his face. _Why the hell am I thinking about that right now?_

He pursed his lips, looking at the Captain like a frightened child. _He wouldn’t kill me just because I resent the Commander. I’m not even a threat to him, I'd never actually do anything.  
_

_Would he!?_ He gulped, averting Levi’s gaze now.

“Huh?” Levi then mumbled to himself, Eren’s expression sinking in a bit too late. He looked down in surprise. _What am I doing?_

He bit his inner lip, somewhat distressed at what was going on inside him. He didn’t understand it. He felt so different—from the moment he felt that power surge when his body lay underneath Mikasa’s, and specially from the moment Erwin declared he’d die with happiness so long as it meant Levi lived.

“Tch,” he angrily walked away, putting a hand over his head.

Another headache.

Hange stopped her discussion with Erwin about their findings thus far to follow Levi with her gaze. “Levi?” She turned to him. “Where are you going? We’re not done yet.”

He continued walking with a hand over his head without responding, gritting his teeth as a belligerent scowl overcame his face.

“Levi?” Hange furrowed her brows in puzzlement.

She walked towards him and held his arm. “Levi!”

He stopped and his head shot to her. His eyes were widened to their limit, pupils contracted—all light completely gone.

He looked furious.

She instinctively took a step back to create distance between them, his sudden outburst catching everyone off guard.

 _What the hell is with this guy?_ Eren thought.

After glaring at her for a few seconds, he resumed pace, feeling more irritated by the second.

He was always in control. He had always been able to have perfect control over his body and emotions. No matter how many of his valued comrades died, his heart wouldn’t waver. He’d continue looking forward.

He was always in control.

But not this time.

Being unable to understand his own mind frustrated him more than anything in the world. He was furious.

The way he felt at this moment reminded him of the days after Kenny abandoned him. He’d willingly provoke nobodies just to have an excuse to beat someone up. He wouldn’t mind going to the underground right now for a few hours. The filth would be worth enduring if he got to have some respite.

And this only served to piss him off even more. How could he think such a thing? This was so unlike him. And it’s exactly what Hange was thinking of.

“Man,” she scratched the back of her head. “That’s a lot even by Levi standards,” she looked back at Erwin and her subordinates, embarrassed. “Clean up here and go to your barracks. You can have the rest of the day off.”

“Yes!” the 104th soldiers said.

Erwin, who had been sitting on the grass drinking water, stood up and silently walked up to Hange.

“Hange,” he drew her attention. “Have some tea with me, at my office. At six.”

“Well, now. Look at you, Commander Handsome. You’re asking me out on a date?” she placed a hand on her hip. “How low have you sunk? Oh,” she shook her head. “If only Mike could see you now.”

She was jesting, naturally. Trying to. She was taken aback by Levi’s behaviour.

“No need to deprecate yourself, even as a jest. Moblit would have agreed with me you’re a worthy specimen,” he smiled slightly, understanding of how she felt by the way Levi embarrassed her.

She smiled uneasily.

* * *

Erwin was scanning the paper, blinking slowly as his lids began to feel heavier and heavier. He looked at his stopwatch. It was only 13:00 P.M. Lunch was an hour ago and he was ravenous already.

He was exhausted. He yawned, looking at the report but not reading anything. The words seemed to get blurry, and he squinted.

He also felt he was burning up. Lately, it seemed like he was starting to sweat frequently, something that had never been the case with him before. Was it his exhaustion? Or a by-product of bearing the Colossal Titan?

He groaned, frustrated. He put the papers away and leaned on his hands, eyes closed and covering his face.

He took deep breaths, trying to remember. His memories of the battle were a series of tiny clips with sound and colour, some more prominent than others, with chunks missing in-between, as though someone forgot to hit the record button.

Every cell in his body then focused on the enemy, and wrinkles formed around his eyes as his brows furrowed in concentration.

 _Come on, Bertolt,_ his frown deepened. _Give me something._

And then someone knocked on the door.

“Name and business,” he stated, irritated.

“It’s Levi.”

“Come in.”

Levi peeked his head. “Is it a bad time?”

Erwin’s tired eyes looked at him. “Can you tell that badly?” he smiled weakly.

Levi didn’t respond.

Erwin chuckled. “Come in, Levi.”

His eyes then widened as Levi entered with a tray, closing the door behind him with his foot. “I, um… brought you food.”

“I already ate, though,” he said, despite his uncontrollable appetite.

“I know, but you’re hungry, right?”

Erwin chuckled again. “Can you tell that badly?” repeating himself.

Levi waited for Erwin to clear some space, which he did.

“How did you get your hands on an extra plate?”

“Leftovers,” Levi lied. That was his own ration.

Erwin’s lips parted. A large loaf of bread, bean, lentil, vegetable and potato stew and a small portion of fish. And, of course, the mug of wine—exactly as lunch.

“Those are some good leftovers!”

“Yeah,” Levi’s lips curved up in the faintest smile. “Enjoy it.”

“Do you want to share?” Erwin asked.

“No, I’m full,” he lied, actually being quite hungry. “But… if you want, I can keep you company while you eat.”

“Thank you, Levi,” he smiled kindly.

Levi watched Erwin eat in silence. Seeing his face of satisfaction brought him great relief. He looked at the pile of papers on the corner of the desk.

“What’s all that?”

Erwin wiped the corners of his mouth with a napkin. “Business from the interior. We need to hold a military meeting to discuss all the findings from Grisha’s basement.” He knit his eyebrows in slight anger. “I can already imagine it. The MPs will insist the truth be kept hidden from the people, as they always have done.”

“Well…” Levi skimmed the papers. “It is a lot to digest. I do agree the truth should come to light, but I can expect a mixed response from the public. I mean,” he flipped the page. “All their lives they’ve been told humanity’s on the brink of extinction, and suddenly they’ll read on the papers there’s a whole world beyond the walls? Where humanity enjoys a refined existence? How fucking shitty and unfair is that? We’re basically cattle inside these walls, swarmed by a never-ending tide of grief while everyone else gets to enjoy their life, without fear… imagine the anger they’ll feel.”

“You’re right,” Erwin stirred his soup in contemplation. “But it’s necessary. I’m sure Historia will agree to that, and she has the final say. Thankfully,” he rose his brows, eating.

“I…” Levi hesitated. “I don’t mean to pressure you, but have you seen anything yet?”

“Nothing…” Erwin shook his head. “After the meetings are over, I want to visit Historia. I want to try remember, the way she and Eren have done.”

“Are you sure that will work?” Levi frowned.

“I know what you’re thinking, and I agree. Eren holds the Founding and carried the memories Rod Reiss did, so it’s likely you need to share memories, even if unconsciously, with someone else—at least one person, to recollect or transfer them. Historia only remembered her sister Frieda because of her connection to her—but she didn’t see what Eren and Rod did.”

He stood up, hands on pockets, walking towards the window—frustrated. “Bertolt may have no connection whatsoever to them…” he shot Levi a backwards glance. “But it’s worth a shot. There’s a possibility, even if very slim, of royal blood stimulating a shifter’s memories.”

He turned to look at Levi, hands still in pockets. “I need to remember, Levi. I need to know what Bertolt knew.”

“I know,” Levi stood up, placing the papers on the desk. “And we’ll help you in any way we can.”

Erwin smiled fondly. “Thank you, Levi. For everything.”

 _No…_ Levi averted his gaze. _Thank you…_ “You don’t have to thank me. It’s part of my job,” _For giving me purpose._

“I need to hold a meeting with my squad now, so I’ll leave you to it. Finish your meal.”

“Of course,” Erwin sat back down. “Good luck. Oh, and—“

“And Erwin—“

They stopped talking when they spoke simultaneously.

“Go on,” Erwin said.

“Think,” Levi said, gripping the doorframe. “Use every single cell in your body to think as hard as you can. I know you’re tired, but you’re the only way we can advance. We don’t know when they’ll come to finish the job.”

 _They?_ Erwin’s brows furrowed in confusion. Sure, he understood Levi’s concern, but with the loss of the Colossus, Female and Beast, it would take too long for the enemy to strike back.

His confusion was only natural, however. Levi hadn’t told him he failed to kill the Beast Titan. There had been little time, but he also didn’t know how to tell him.

“Of course, Levi.”

“That doesn’t mean you should overdo it, though. Eat and rest well, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Now, you go.”

“Right. Come to my office at seven, there’s something I’d like to discuss with you.”

Levi’s eyes widened slightly. “Sure.”

* * *

“Tea **_and_** biscuits? Erwin, did you destroy my research notes? What are you trying to compensate for?” she leaned against the wall, smirking.

“Historia has been kind enough to provide much funding for the Survey Corps prior to the recapture of Wall Maria. Now that we’ve succeeded, this will be nothing but peanuts in contrast for what’s to come,” he smiled at her, serving her a cup of tea.

Erwin was wearing an untucked navy blue shirt and black pants. His hair, for once, wasn’t perfectly styled. It was layered to the front, which Hange thought made him look more handsome than usual. He normally looked quite regal with his perfectly styled hair, but it was nice to see Erwin as a regular man.

Hange went simple as well. Long, white button shirt with brown pants.

“It feels like a dream, doesn’t it?” she smiled softly, sitting across Erwin. “People cheering for us. Respecting us. Getting generous funding. I never thought I’d see the day.”

He looked at her fondly.

“Say,” her eyes narrowed sullenly. “What would Mike think if he saw us now?”

His response was to merely look at her, no decipherable emotion on his face. He continued preparing their beverages. “I’d prefer to not talk about him. Not right now.”

She understood.

He sat on his desk, right next to Hange, hands resting on his thighs. She added cinnamon to her tea and sighed in delight. She couldn’t believe how good it tasted in comparison to the regular tea the Corps used to have.

“Hange,” he finally broke the silence. “I need you to tell me everything that happened after I charged at the Beast Titan.”

She froze.

“Why are you asking me about that now?”

“We haven’t talked about anything from the battle, since the battle. I can’t remember a thing after charging at the Beast. Isn’t it also about time we speak about it? I feel like we’ve all been deliberately avoiding the subject.”

She blinked at him. “You’re right,” she set down her cup.

“I just…” he looked down sadly. “I can’t believe only nine of us survived. And I need to know what happened,” he gazed at Hange imploringly. “Because Levi has changed.”

“What?” she frowned in confusion.

“Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed. Levi’s different. Much different. Everything about him,” he split a biscuit in two. “His eyes...” he recollected.

“His… eyes?” she covered her mouth, trying to remember anything out of the ordinary.

“He still seems to be the same sour-faced Levi to me,” she sipped. “But… I guess his behaviour has changed a little.”

Erwin nodded, eyes unblinking in expectation for her to continue.

“He worries about you,” she said. “And it shows.”

“Oh,” he dismissed her. “That’s just Levi. Even though I'm replaceable, he’s sometimes said he can’t lose me for the time being because it’d be a disservice to the fallen. That’s why he’s so valuable. He always sees the big picture,” he smiled.

She frowned. True, Erwin had a point. Levi cared deeply about the fallen, but… that’s not it.

She eavesdropped when Levi threatened to break his legs before the recapture of Wall Maria. He told him he just needed to _“sit and think.”_

Erwin was crippled. To any outsider, that would be Levi’s way of protecting an asset—just like many others did. During Eren’s rescue, many soldiers gave their lives to protect Erwin when he lost his arm. Two went to his rescue after he was snatched, disobeying his order of advancing, and one of them protected Erwin from titans while the other applied a tourniquet, and lost his life as a result. When everything seemed hopeless, more soldiers tried to help him, shield him as he tried to get on his horse—and they were eaten right before him. Their sacrifices would have been in vain if Ymir hadn’t saved him.

And when he passed out on top of the wall, they were frantic ( _Eren included_ ), some almost in tears in fear they would lose their leader—the one they deemed would save humanity.

He was the Commander. Their leader. It was natural for his subordinates, Levi included, to help minimise the risk he involved himself in.

But what Erwin just said was wrong. That’s not why Levi was like that. That was his way of showing concern, always had been. Erwin is a brilliant man and has known Levi for a long time, surely he could understand that?

She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Should she tell him how Levi sat by his bedside for three days straight, just like when he lost his arm? How he’d tidy up and clean his office and room so it was impeccable and comfortable for when he woke up?

Or how he’d behaved earlier today during the experiment?

She looked down, hesitant. “I guess you’re right. But…”

“Hm?”

“He’s mellowed down since his closure with Kenny. And this battle—it’s been hard on all of us. He must be grieving, silently.”

“That I agree with,” Erwin nodded. “There’s only so much a man can take,” Erwin said, sipping his tea. “I presume we’ve been mistaken to believe Levi is any different.”

Hange frowned sadly. “Too much has happened in these last three months, eh?”

Erwin blinked at her.

“It’s like Eren’s brought as much pain to humanity as he has hope. How many, Erwin?” she stood up.

He refused to look at her.

She gripped both of his shoulders, trying to make him look at her.

“How many people have died in these last three months? More people have died in these last three months than in the last three years.”

Erwin refused to look at her.

She then placed a hand on his cheek, turning his face so their eyes could meet.

“Those who sacrificed themselves so he sealed the gate. The people massacred by Annie just so she could find him. Levi’s squad.”

 His expression remained neutral

“The innocents of Stohess. The people loyal to Kenny we were forced to kill, whose only crime was to be on the opposite side.”

She pursed her lips. “Mike.”

He frowned painfully.

“Moblit,” she looked down, tears lurking close.

He gently grabbed the wrist she held his cheek with.

“Armin. The entire Survey Corps. The nine of us… are the only ones left.”

“And we almost lost you.”

His sullen eyes brewed something in her, and the tender gesture of him pressing her hand tighter against his cheek moved her.

He spoke, “Far too many people have died. But even more would have died if we didn’t have Eren—and now that we’ve recaptured Wall Maria, the future seems brighter than ever. Once I analyse all of Grisha’s books, when I unravel Bertolt’s memories—we’ll know who to point this anger at. And we will not stop moving forward, until our enemies are destroyed.”

She sighed shakily, unable to find comfort in his words.

“It seems like I’m doing this a lot,” he sighed. “but…”

He brought her closer to him and enveloped her in an awkward hug.

Taken aback by the action, it took her a moment to return it. She leaned down and repositioned herself better, making the hug more comfortable.

“I miss Mike, Erwin. I miss Moblit.”

“I know that.”

She began laughing. “I think Levi’s not the only one who’s mellowed down.”

They ignored a knock on the door.

“Well,” Erwin smiled. “That basement provided me some much needed respite.”

And the door opened.

Levi’s blank expression gradually turned mortified. “What are you two doing?”

Like nothing wrong was happening, _and nothing was_ , the two of them tilted their heads back to look at Levi, bodies still close in a hug.

“Levi?” Erwin rose a brow. “You’re early.”

“What are you two doing?” Levi repeated, horrified.

“Gee, Levi,” Hange chuckled, stepping back to give Erwin room to stand up. “What’s with that face?”

“I thought I told you to come at seven,” Erwin looked at his pocket watch. “It’s six fifteen.”

“Is that a problem?” Levi said, taking a step forward. His unsettling expression didn’t waver. “Or is it that I am interrupting something?”

“N-no,” Hange took a step back. “We were just—“

“Then what is the matter?” he quickly snapped, closing the door behind him.

“Nothing is the matter,” Erwin stood up, tone commanding, “Levi.”

Hange nervously sat back down.

“But since you are early and I planned to see you both separately, I only have two teacups. It’s uncouth for us to have tea while you don’t. Well, I’ll go get another one.”

Levi’s eyes still pierced Hange.

“In any case,” Erwin walked past Levi and stopped for a moment. “The latest battle has taken a toll on us, Hange isn’t exempt from that. She’s been mourning Moblit. We’re not just comrades. We’re old friends, right?” he gripped Levi’s shoulder. “Friends sometimes comfort each other.”

He walked out the door and left a distraught, embarrassed Levi and a threatened Hange behind.

 He frowned, putting a hand over his head. _Why…_ his frown deepened. _What is wrong with me?_

He silently walked towards the chair a couple of feet next to Erwin’s. He crossed his leg and arms, looking at the floor.

Hange furiously munched on biscuits, to alleviate the tension off her shoulders.

She always believed she got along best with Levi from all her comrades in the Survey Corps, but the midget was being a weirdo lately and it was freaking her out. Not once did she ever feel uncomfortable around him, despite his cold, snappy demeanour.

But now…

“Sorry,” he managed to mutter, as though reading her mind.

He looked up at her, to find her munching on a biscuit like a rabbit does a carrot. It was endearing.

“Hmph,” his expression somewhat softened.

She smiled at him.

“I also miss my squad,” he broke the silence. “So, at least you’re not alone in that.”

“Look at you!” her brows rose, speaking with her mouth full. He pursed his lips in irritation, but let it slide. “Apologising **_and_** admitting you miss someone. You really have mellowed down!” she squealed in excitement.

“Mellowed down?” he cocked his head.

“Sure,” she damped a biscuit in the tea. “You— Ah!” she leaned back as drops of hot tea splattered on her. She had clumsily let go of the biscuit.

Levi merely blinked at her.

“You’re still a grumpy, tiny old man,” she chuckled cheerfully, much to his annoyance. “But you’ve still softened up a little, I can see. Your reunion with Kenny did you some good.”

“A lot of people died from that, Hange,” his brows furrowed in irritation. “Do I need to remind you some of your subordinates died by his hand as well?”

“I know,” she smiled sadly. “But didn’t he redeem himself?”

His lips parted.

“We learned information, albeit little, about you Ackermans. He gave you closure, and because of him Erwin is alive. Do you truly mean to tell me that last moment you two shared meant nothing to you?”

His eyes narrowed sadly.

The door opened, and Erwin walked in with a teacup and more treats. “Good news,” he placed them on his desk, and the sight made Hange drool and squeal. “I went to the mess hall and some cadets were early for dinner. They’re giving out doughnuts today and they collected theirs and gave them to me as a token of gratitude.”

“Ah… Ah! Ah!” Hange stood up, slamming her palms on the desk, startling both men. “Doughnuts with glaze!” her cheeks flared up and drool ran down her mouth. “Doughnuts with glaze!” She grabbed one and took a bite, shaking her head back and forth in joy. “Mhhhgmm!”

She was about to stuff another one in her mouth, despite not finishing the one on her hand, when Erwin hastily held both of her wrists to halt her. “Hange, calm down!”

Levi’s eyes widened, observing the amusing situation.

“Here,” he handed her another one. “Hey, look at me!” he demanded. Her crazy eyes gleamed at him, waiting for him to speak. “That’s it, alright? No more!”

She nodded furiously.

They both observed her stuff her mouth. Erwin’s shoulders shook in laughter as he grabbed the largest doughnut with a napkin.

He walked towards Levi and looked down at him, handing him the doughnut. “Here,” he smiled at him.

To Levi, he appeared to sparkle.

He observed him in awe.

The fact he even took the care of gently grabbing the doughnut with a napkin, instead of just grabbing it with plain fingers like he did Hange’s, made Levi smile slightly. Erwin knew he refused to eat food someone had touched with bare hands.

But this one time, he wished he hadn’t.

“Thanks,” he took the giant doughnut with both hands, like a child.

He was going to take a bite when he saw Erwin grab his, and noticed Erwin’s was the smallest.

He looked down at his, then up at Erwin’s again. Before Erwin could take a bite, he stopped him.

“?”

“Here, you can have mine. Let’s trade.”

Erwin frowned. “What’s wrong with your doughnut?”

“Tch,” he scowled. “Nothing’s wrong with it, idiot. I wouldn’t give you food that had something wrong with it.”

Erwin snorted. “Then why do you want to trade?”

“Look at the size of that miserable doughnut,” he said. “Have mine and give me yours.”

“Of course not,” he refused. “Eat your doughnut. Don’t worry about mine.”

“Tch,” he was about to snatch it, but Erwin rose his arm. Levi was short enough to be unable to reach it. He’d have to jump to try, but that would’ve been humiliating. “Give me that!”

“No!”

“I said give it”

“I said no!” Erwin’s voice almost cracked, stifling back laughter.

He couldn’t believe how Levi Ackerman, Humanity’s Strongest—the strongest person alive, the man worth a whole brigade, stood on his tippy toes, attempting to snatch a doughnut from his Commander.

“I’m going to kick you in the stomach,” Levi, on his tippy toes, growled as he held onto Erwin’s arm with one hand for support, and tried to reach the doughnut with the other.

The now silent struggle lasted for a few more seconds, until Hange took a gamble.

“A-ano…” she mumbled innocently. They stopped to look at her. “If you two don't want them,” she pointed at herself, “I’ll have them.”

Levi took advantage of Erwin’s distraction and held his wrist, but he seemed to forget he wasn’t a person with normal strength and crushed it instead.

“Eek!” Erwin clenched his jaw, the pain forcing to let go.

Unfortunately, it fell on the floor, and Levi let go as well.

Levi gasped, looking down at them.

“No!” Hange pulled her hair, screaming like a maniac.

“Dammit!” Levi cursed.

Both Erwin and Levi crouched to pick them up, but they hit their heads.

“Ow!”

Due to the size difference, the magnitude of the hit made Levi fall flat on his ass, squishing the doughnuts.

“Levi!” Erwin called, horrified. He extended his hand to help him up. “I’m sorry—“

Levi scowled, but once again didn’t measure his strength and pulled Erwin too hard, which caused him to fall onto Levi.

“Oh, no!” Hange screamed again, immediately standing up. “You crushed Levi!” She frantically ran in place, not knowing what to do.

“Ah…” Erwin held his forehead, having hit his head.

After several seconds that feel like several minutes, he felt squirming underneath him. He gasped.

“Levi!” he yelled, getting on all fours.

As if the humiliation weren’t enough, Levi’s cheeks were completely flared up. He could feel his face burn.

In embarrassment? Or perhaps he simply liked…

“Levi,” Erwin shook his head, sitting on his knees. “All of this over a doughnut.”

“Shut your mouth,” Levi sat up, now dangerously close to Erwin’s face.

His eyes widened.

Being so close to him… it…

Erwin began laughing. He covered his eyes and stood up, shoulders shaking in laughter.

Levi simply looked up at him.

That **_genuine, hearty_** laugh, it was so rare to hear. A sound which Levi swore he hadn’t heard in a thousand years, and a sound he would wait another thousand years to hear.

His expression softened.

They both looked at a frantic, screaming Hange, running in place and pulling her hair in despair over the loss of two perfectly good doughnuts.

Levi looked down and, surprisingly, began laughing as well.

This shocked Erwin and Hange, who looked at him, perturbed.

Erwin extended his hand to help him up and he took it, getting up as he tried to stifle an ear-to-ear smile.

“We tried so hard to eat that we ended up not eating at all,” Erwin smiled.

Levi then frowned in guilt. “Sorry.”

“It’s just a doughnut,” Erwin comforted. “Well, two. But in any case, we should be tending to Hange before she passes out.”

“I got it,” Levi shook his hand. “Oi!” he slapped her, this time measuring his strength. Not hard enough to hurt badly, just enough to bring her back.

“Ow,” she frowned, rubbing the area.

“What are you even crying about?” he crossed his arms. “You’re the one that got to eat **_two_** doughnuts.”

She rubbed the back of her head, giggling in embarrassment. “W-well…”

“It was supposed to be two for each of you, but well, this is the best next thing,” Erwin offered Levi half of the last doughnut.

Levi looked down, eyes narrowing fondly. “I’m not hungry, you can have it.”

“Well, that’s hardly fair. I shouldn’t get to eat if you don’t.”

“Good lord, old man, just eat the shitty doughnut!” he snapped.

He offered half the doughnut again.

“I said I’m not hungry.”

“Well,” Erwin shrugged. “I’m not hungry either. It appears we’ve reached an impasse.”

“What?”

“I propose a solution: since we’re not eating, we give the last doughnut to Hange.”

“Erwin!” she squealed, hugging, no, **_squeezing_** the life out of him. “You’re amazing!”

She was close to tears.

“Tch,” Levi snatched half the doughnut from Erwin. “Like hell you will. I’m not letting her gorge on shit while you starve.”

Erwin smiled kindly at the exaggeration, and stared at Levi.

“What?”

“Take a bite.”

“I want to punch your shitty, senile face right now,” Levi bit the doughnut, eyes wavering. He froze for a few seconds then continued chewing.

It was damn good.

But it was nowhere near as good and fulfilling as the sight of Erwin finally taking a bite and his expression denoting how thoroughly and joyfully he was enjoying it.

Hange started sobbing at the lost chance of eating another doughnut tonight.

“Tasty, right?” Erwin smiled at Levi.

Levi’s eyes glistened at him. “It’s not bad…”

Erwin froze immediately.

There it was! Levi’s eyes—there it was again.

His expression had generally changed; his eyes and pupils were a little larger, and there was more light in them, but there were certain times in which his eyes glistened even more.

Why? Why did it happen?

Moments later, after cleaning up, they sat down. Erwin prepared Levi’s tea, and they shared both warm chats and comfortable silence.

Nearly an hour and a half had passed when Erwin realised they hadn’t talked about what he summoned them separately for. He wanted to get an account of what happened in Shiganshina from both unbiased parties, but here they were.

He didn’t want them keeping anything from him. He could either reschedule, or trust them. The latter was more convenient.

“So,” Erwin cleared his throat. By the way he looked down at his hands as his expression changed, both Hange and Levi immediately understood things were taking an austere tone.

“I had summoned you at different hours for a reason, but I suppose I might as well just do it now.”

He sat perfectly straight, as though Erwin the man was completely gone and Erwin the Commander had taken over.

“Levi, sit in front of me. Right next to Hange.”

He complied.

“Both of you,” he eyed them sternly. “Tell me everything that transpired after I charged at the Beast Titan.”

Hange recollected her version of events—from the moment Armin begged Bertolt to speak, to the moment he transformed and Moblit pushed her into a well. She explained how she helped defeat Reiner, and stayed behind with Jean, Connie and an unconscious Sasha as they tended her eye while Mikasa went to check up on Eren and Armin after the Colossus had fallen.

“That’s when I found Levi and—“

“Stop…” Levi looked down, not wanting to look Erwin in the eye.

She understood. He’d take over now.

“After you charged, and the bastard wiped everyone out… I killed all the titans around him. I ripped the piece of shit to shreds,” he clenched his jaw. “But…”

Erwin was left confused at Levi’s distressed, furious expression. If he had been successful, why was he…

“I’m sorry, Erwin,” he looked him in the eye, ashamed. “I wasn’t able to finish him off.”

Erwin’s lips parted.

“They all died for nothing. You would have died for nothing.”

“How did he get away?” Erwin interlaced his fingers.

“I wanted to survey the area, find someone who had survived so I could feed him to them. But then the all-fours titan snatched him from me. I caught up to him, but he retreated when he saw me. He abandoned Bertolt and saved Reiner.”

Erwin squinted.

“Sorry…” Levi’s eyes narrowed in guilt.

Erwin sighed. Levi could tell he was definitely disappointed. His mouth opened, grief-stricken.

He had never failed him before.

“What else?”

“After I caught up and the Beast retreated, Eren was there with Armin. He was basically charred. I was going to give him the serum when Floch climbed up the roof with you tied to his back. After that, well…”

“Well?”

“I was going to inject it to you, obviously. But Eren and Mikasa didn’t like that.”

“And?”

“They fought me, blades drawn, to save their friend.”

At Erwin’s behest, he elaborated on everything that happened, from the smallest to the greatest detail. How he was too weakened after not only shredding the Beast Titan and killing all of his titans but also sprinting on foot back inside the Wall, how Mikasa held her blade to his neck, how Hange came and convinced Mikasa to let Armin go. How Floch shielded Erwin’s body with his own.

Erwin rested his chin on his fingers, eyes darting to the side.

“So, that’s why…” Erwin whispered.

“Huh?”

The tension. The resentment oozing from Eren. Of course, it made sense now.

Neither of the two could understand what Erwin’s current expression meant. He was hard enough to read as it is.

A young talent was left to die so he, a man who had already given up everything, could be saved. What was he supposed to make of that? His gaze was fixated on the space between Hange and Levi.

 _Just what is he thinking?_ Levi frowned.

Erwin hid half his face behind his interlaced hands.

“This is bad…” he muttered. “The Beast left with enough information of how many casualties there were from our side. Information of the weapons we use, our 3DM gear, our current numbers…”  

Levi’s frowned deepened.

“And, assuming the titan who rescued him wasn’t a mindless like the ones he used, but a shifter, that’s two enemies. They may have lost the Female and Colossus, but also gained much valuable information.”

He looked at them.

“We know nothing about them, yet they know enough about us. We’ve lost hundreds of lives, while they’ve only lost two.”

Both Hange and Levi looked at him with shame.

“Dammit!” he slammed his fist against the table, startling the two of them.

Levi’s shoulders slumped, wrinkles forming around his eyes as his frown deepened.

Erwin sighed and closed his eyes, rubbing his face.

“Alright,” he stood up. “You’re dismissed now. Get some rest.”

Hange hesitated as she stood up, while Levi remained frozen. She slowly, silently left the room, quietly shutting the door.

“Levi, you can go,” he said sternly.

He refused to move. The guilt, the feeling of failure completely consumed him.

Erwin looked out the window, clenching his fists so tight that his veins throbbed.

“That bastard…” he growled, which made Levi look at him. “He’s the one that murdered Mike. I can feel it. I **_know_** so.”

Levi didn’t know what to say.

Erwin took a deep breath. “Levi, I said you can go.”

He slowly stood up and hesitated before closing the door. He took a last look at Erwin and saw the way his normally icy-blue eyes were now completely darkened, scowling out the window in what was essentially a death stare.

He left, walking to his office feeling like a complete failure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked the chapter, please leave some kudos or a comment! If you didn't like it, you can tell me as well, as I want to improve. 
> 
> This was a hella long chapter. I plan for Erwin to become very, very strong, but I don't want it to be an asspull, so expect training scenes (not only as the Colosssus). Also, Levi is very precious. He's tiny and cute, I love him. 
> 
> This has been veteran heavy, but don't worry, Levi Squad will also get some attention (specially Eremika, as stipulated in the tags), as well as the Warriors. Zeke will be... important in the future. 
> 
> I hope you continue to tune in, I have loaaaaads of fun writing this fic, but I'm anxious and self-conscious, so I'm frightened every time I post a new chapter because I don't know if anyone will like it :'v 
> 
> If you want to see my shit art and send fic requests or whatever (prompts), or even insult me (lmao) here: http://bipabrena.tumblr.com/


	5. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to wait a couple more months before updating again, but I thought three months was maybe enough. 
> 
> Long chapter, hope that's not a drag. I've started to write a lot for this fic, and I think it's getting interesting. Heads-up: you'll have to be up-to-date with the manga for the future chapters.

_Erwin’s hands slowly went up and down, up and down—intertwined on his stomach, moving along with his soft breathing. He was dressed in all white, his blond hair layered to the front._

_After a few moments, he slowly opened his eyes._

_He felt warm grains underneath him, and his brows furrowed slightly in confusion. It was like laying on soil, but… somehow, it felt different._

_He sat up, arms on his sides. He clenched his fists and grazed the grain, feeling it accumulate between his fingers. He looked to his sides and saw some sort of yellow, powdery soil. He cupped a fistful on both hands, and brought them to his chest. He observed it, sniffed it—it seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary, yet it looked and felt so different._

_He slowly stood up, producing a grunt as he did so._

_He scanned the area in both directions, and what he took in was the yellow, powdery grain, and what appeared to be a massive lake with… waves? Waves washing up every now and then._

_His brows furrowed and mouth hung in awe._

_The lake was incredible. It was multiple shades of blue he would’ve never deemed possible had he not seen them himself. Even the sky appeared to mimic it, blending the same colours._

_Like a beautiful mirage._

_To his right, several feet away, he noted a figure. He couldn’t make out if it was male or female, but they were slumped forward, hugging their knees._

_He approached them, fascinated by the sound the lake made every time the waves seemed to wash up the powdery grain._

_Seeing the figure more clearly, it was a well-built person, covered in a beige cardigan. Their hair danced to the wind, and they rested their chin on their knees._

_“Hello?” Erwin said._

_It took the person several seconds to slowly turn their head, shooting Erwin a backwards glance._

_Erwin’s eyes widened._

_“Hello,” the person responded._

_Erwin, reflexively, took a step back. “… Bertolt?”_

_“Mm,” he nodded._

_He looked forward again, and Erwin had no idea what to do._

_“May I sit with you?”_

_Bertolt looked back at him, shrugging. “Sure, Commander.” His brows rose at his words. “No,” he regretted. “Erwin. Just Erwin.”_

_Erwin advanced, sitting right next to him. “You know,” he sat cross-legged, “It’s still the norm for enemies to address each other with the appropriate titles,” he jested, for no reason in particular._

_“You’re right,” Bertolt tilted his head, resting it on his knees. He closed his eyes as a gust of wind ruffled his hair. “But here, titles don’t matter. I guess we’re equals now.”_

_Erwin observed every inch of Bertolt’s body, wary. Why wasn’t the enemy preparing for battle when Erwin was right there?_

_Then again, what could Bertolt do?_

_And the same question applied to Erwin. Why was his first instinct to politely ask if he could sit with him, and engage in conversation?_

_He didn’t have a blade to take his head, but as long as he had his limbs, he could still fight._

_“… Where are we, anyway?” Erwin asked. His eyes never left Bertolt, but Bertolt’s never met his._

_“This is a landform surrounded by water… what you see before you is called the ocean. This,” he cupped a fistful of the powdery grain, “is called sand. It’s the result of the disintegration of rocks. These two things form what is called a beach.”_

_Bertolt stretched his legs, leaning back on his hands, and the movement made Erwin flinch in caution._

_Bertolt noticed, and still looking forward, his eyes darted to Erwin. “You don’t need to be so wary, Commander. Can’t you see I’m completely defenseless?” his eyes narrowed sadly. “Besides, someone like you… shouldn’t even be afraid of a person like me…”_

_“I thought you said titles didn’t matter.”_

_“Old habits die hard, I guess.”_

_They were in silence for too long._

_“Beach, huh…”_

_Erwin observed Bertolt intently, noticing how he deliberately avoided looking at Erwin._

_“Bertolt,” Erwin said. “Why are you here?”_

_“Beats me,” he tucked his head between his knees. “I’m stuck here.”_

_“But… I…”_

_“Ate me?” Bertolt finally looked at him._

_Erwin brushed his hair back. “I must be dreaming.”_

_“Not really.”_

_“Huh?”_

_“I’m as real as you are, Commander.”_

_I’m just dreaming, Erwin thought to himself. He’s dead…_

_“You’re wrong,” Bertolt said._

_Erwin’s brows creased. He looked at Bertolt, alarmed._

_“You’re not dreaming. I’m as real as you are, Commander,” he reiterated._

_For the first time, Bertolt held eye contact. His emerald eyes pierced the Commander’s icy blue ones._

_They were silent, and despite the soothing sound of the waves hitting the shore, the tension between them only grew._

_Eventually, Bertolt gave in and broke the eye contact, drop of sweat forming on his forehead._

_Erwin looked forward at the waves, tense._

_He didn’t know how much time had passed when he quickly hurtled at Bertolt, striking him right in the face. Bertolt’s head snapped to the side, eyes widening immensely at the unforeseen hit._

_He looked at Erwin and was able to dodge another hit, just in time. He stood up and kicked Erwin’s stomach, stumbling him back, knocking the air out of him. Erwin was quick to react and held onto Bertolt’s leg before he could let go, surprising him. Bertolt tried to pull his leg back, but Erwin held it tighter against him._

_He brought his knee up to support Bertolt’s leg, and brought down his elbow to try to break it._

_Bertolt was able to see right through him in time, and managed to jump and kick Erwin in the face._

_Bertolt fell, and tried to stand up to run away._

_Erwin recovered and held on to Bertolt’s ankle and pulled him, making the two of them fall on the sand._

_They rolled around several times, grunting, until Erwin managed to position himself on top of Bertolt, holding him tightly in place with his knees. He struck him in the face several times, snapping his head to the sides over and over again, until he spurted blood._

_Bertolt was so taken aback by the sudden outburst, he had barely been able to fight back._

_Erwin then wrapped his hands around his neck, choking him. His jaw was clenched so tightly he swore his teeth would shatter._

_He leaned forward, so close to Bertolt their noses almost touched._

_“Tell me everything you know!”_

_Bertolt coughed, panting for air as the blood clogged his nose._

_Erwin impatiently clutched the flannel of his shirt, shaking him. “Tell me everything you know! Tell me!”_

_Bertolt growled at him, baring his bloodied teeth._

_“Where do you come from!? Why do you want the people in the walls to die!?”_

_Bertolt spat blood on his face, making Erwin flinch._

_Bertolt took advantage of his second’s hesitation and head-butt him square in the nose, breaking it. Erwin stumbled back, and Bertolt kicked him away._

_Erwin rolled backwards to the waves, and breathed in the salty water._

_He got on all fours, coughing. He felt a tug on his hair, and saw a bloodied Bertolt, furious eyes, formerly emerald now nearly black. Bertolt pushed him into the water. Erwin tried to hold his breath, but the severity of the situation had left him nearly breathless and gasping for air. The salt water burned his lungs._

_He used all his strength to pull back, but Bertolt had one hand firmly placed on his nape, the other on his hair._

_Erwin submerged his hand and brought it to his mouth, ready to bite it._

_Bertolt noticed and tugged his head back, pulling him out of the water._

_Erwin took a violent inhale, hand on his chest as he had a coughing fit._

_He violently cleared his throat and sniffled, a mixture of blood and salt water running down his nose._

_His head then forcefully snapped to the side, and two molars were sent flying as Bertolt’s foot met his cheek. He fell on his chin, and remained still._

_“Ugh…” he groaned, vision blurry._

_He was rolled on his back, and he looked up at a panting Bertolt. He looked down at him, wiping the blood off his nose with his sleeve._

_“You spawn of the devil,” he panted._

_Erwin tried to move, but couldn’t._

_Bertolt got on top of him, and wrapped his hands around Erwin’s neck. He began choking him, and Erwin gripped his wrists as tightly as he could, squirming underneath him._

_Bertolt felt his ulna was about to snap, but he didn’t waver._

_Erwin felt drops on his face, and he initially thought it was blood, but it was tears. As angry as he looked, Bertolt was crying. He also looked remorseful—broken. For a moment, this made Erwin hesitate, and he loosened his grip on Bertolt’s wrists._

_But Bertolt’s painfully tight grasp didn’t waver, and Erwin felt himself slowly lose consciousness._

_Bertolt, exhausted, collapsed on top of Erwin, panting since he was barely able to breathe properly. Arms shaking, he was able to bring himself up. He looked at a slowly fainting Erwin. “Looks like you won’t remember this one either, Commander. I’ll see you again soon.”_

“Erwin!” Hange frantically shook Erwin for what seemed to be the fiftieth time, and Levi’s concern had been growing immensely. He asked Hange whether he should bring in a nurse, and Hange took a few seconds to contemplate.

And then, Erwin gasped violently, slamming his palms against the desk, startling both Levi and Hange.

Erwin’s deranged eyes scanned the room, trying to look for the person he just dreamt of.

He stood up, hazy, stumbling back and falling against the window, hitting his head. The window quickly vibrated from the brunt of the hit.

“Erwin!” Levi ran to his aid, but Erwin pushed him, tipsily walking past him.

“Where is he!?” he yelled.

“What?” Hange said. “Where’s who?”

Erwin continued looking around the room, holding his neck.

He walked around his office, then opened his room’s door. Hange and Levi followed him, immensely worried.

“Where is he!?” he shrieked at them. “Show yourself!” he scoured the office, opening his closet, moving his bookshelves.

“Where’s who!?” they simultaneously asked.

“The coated man! Where is he!?”

“What man!?” Hange yelled. “What are you talking about?”

Erwin walked towards the office door to open it, to go outside and see if he could find any answers. He was too hazy, however, and tripped.

He landed on his right cheek. Despite the pain, he welcomed the floor, and panted quietly, breathing gradually stabilising. He slowly closed his eyes, exhausted.

Levi got on his knees behind him. He pulled Erwin back, holding him close. He looked up at Hange in absolute confusion.

“L-let’s put him in bed,” she suggested, equally confused.

“He’s burning up,” Levi said as he carried him. “Should we take off his clothes?”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “You take off the lower straps, I’ll take off the upper ones and his harness.”

They lay him on the bed and tried to unbuckle his belts, but Erwin was heavy and as stiff as a board.

“Okay, um…” Hange said, scratching her head. “Hold him for me and I’ll unstrap them.”

Levi frowned, wanting to refuse. He wanted to be the one to strip Erwin, but he also didn’t want Hange holding him. “Tch…” he complied. He sat behind Erwin, holding him in place as Hange knelt in front of him, unbuckling the straps.

Levi closed his eyes, distraught. He unconsciously, gradually shifted his hold to a warm, backwards hug.

Someone knocked on the door.

Hange looked back, then at Levi. “It must be Eren with the documents,” she said. “Keep him in place. Try to take off the harness from behind if you can.”

He nodded as she got up, walking towards the office.

Hange opened the door slightly. Eren looked at her. “Oh, Hange-san. Um, here’s the documents from Premiere Zachary. Before the—“ his eyes darted to inside the room, head unconsciously moving to the right. He noticed the Commander sitting on the bed, slumped, seemingly unconscious while the Captain hugged him from behind, distraught expression on his face.

“Yes, Eren?” She said sternly, moving to the right to block his view.

“Historia is coming to Trost. She wants to meet with us before the meeting. I don’t know what the letter says, but I was told to tell the Commander the MPs are getting impatient because the meeting’s been held off for too long.”

Hange scowled, mood immediately souring at the thought of the Military Police. Even after everything the Survey Corps have accomplished, they remain as selfish and unsympathetic as ever.

“Thanks, Eren,” she forced a smile, grabbing the letter. As she closed the door, Eren stuck his foot in it.

“?”

“Is the Commander alright?”

She held a hand over her head, chuckling in slight despair. “Don’t worry, Eren. Everything’s fine. Get as much rest as you can, okay? You’ll have to do some serious work with us tonight, so enjoy your day while you can.”

“Okay,” he blinked. She closed the door in his face, and he stood there for a couple of seconds.

Hange and the Captain really seemed to care about the Commander. Of course, Eren should have figured that when they fought to save him, but he somewhat believed it was mostly because of his figure as a guide to humanity.

Until that day, he had never seen his stoic hero, Captain Levi, so desperate to save a life. Show so much emotion—something foreign of him.

He supposed the three of them really were good friends, just like he, Mikasa and Armin used to be.

It was so unfair. Why did they get to keep being friends while the most important person in his life was snatched from him?

It just wasn’t fair.

Then again, Eren simply lacked the maturity to understand the situation.

He left, eyes shadowed as his lips quivered.

Back inside, Hange was nearly done undressing Erwin. To protect his modesty, they naturally didn’t take off his pants. They took off everything else.

“Whoa,” Hange’s brows furrowed. “He’s sweating like crazy!”

Levi agreed, his own clothes damp from holding onto Erwin.

“Alright, lay him down.”

They placed him on the bed. His mouth was open, pulse seemingly accelerated.

Levi frowned, placing his hand on Erwin’s forehead.

“It wasn’t like this for Eren, was it?”

“No,” Hange shook her head, wrapping a wet towel. She placed it on Erwin’s head. “At least not from what he’s told us.”

“Who do you think he’s talking about?”

“I don’t know how, or why… but he may be recollecting memories already. Maybe he’s living something Bertolt once did.”

“But… that’s good, right?” Levi sat cross-legged, next to Erwin. “That could help us.”

“Yeah, but if he burns up and faints every time he wakes up, I doubt it’ll be any use.”

Levi’s brows knit in anger.

“Relax,” Hange halted him. “I meant his memories, not him. In any case, we shouldn’t be too hasty yet. It took Eren a while to remember. We may have to wait as well.”

“About two months after activating his power, right? That’s what it took Eren?”

“More or less, yes,” she said, damping Erwin’s body with another wet towel, much to Levi’s subtle irritation.

“Shouldn’t we tone down the experiments? He already has so much to do…” Levi lamented, eyes narrowing sadly at Erwin. “He barely gets any sleep, and when he’s not overexerting himself in the experiments, he’s stuck in this office working nonstop.”

“Levi…” she frowned sympathetically at him. “I understand how you feel. I know you’re worried about him, but—”

Levi’s eyes widened in embarrassment. “That’s not it,” he quickly denied, for some reason. “Like you said, he won’t be any use if he’s burned out.”

“Right,” she smiled at him, seeing through his bullshit and inconsistent logic.

Levi looked away, embarrassed.

“Ah…” she sighed, tilting her head back. “I’m so tired. I’m sure you’re exhausted, too. We all are.” She slumped forward and buried her face on her hands. “There’s just so much to do, we can’t catch a damn break.”

“He’s the one that bears all the weight, though…”

“Oh, shut up,” she smiled.

Erwin groaned.

They both perked up.

“Is he waking up?” Levi asked.

“Not sure. Maybe.”

She shot Levi a cheeky glare.

“What?”

She covered her mouth, stifling a laugh.

“What is it?”

She refused to say anything.

“Oi, shithead,” his eyes sunk in irritation. “The hell are you laughing about?”

Erwin groaned again.

She silently giggled, standing up. “I’m going to brew us some tea,” she walked towards the office door. She rose her tone, “You stay here in case he wakes up,” she winked at him.

“Oi, oi,” Levi scowled. “What the hell are you saying?”

Her shoulders shook in laughter, increasing his irritation.

“Answer me, scum!”

Her chuckling turned into full-blown laughter. “Stay **_close_** to Erwin, okay?”

“Huh?” he rose a brow, irritated.

“Stay reeeeeal close to him,” she left, chuckling. She was finally understanding things.

Oh, she was going to have so much fun with Levi now. She suddenly felt excited, and like a cadet again.

And what a strange feeling, Levi thought.

Normally, he wouldn’t mind, but the way Hange just left them—that little wink and her strange choice of words… being alone with Erwin, it felt strange now.

He took a look at the sleeping Erwin, and felt something strange in his stomach. Tingling?

He pursed his lips in embarrassment, looking to the side. He held his cravat and pulled it back and forth to fan his neck, feeling tempted to take it off.

Face still averted from Erwin, his pupils darted to him.

“Um…” he whimpered to himself, nervously.

“Tch,” he suddenly scowled, not understanding what was happening to his mind and body. He had never felt this way before.

The deafening silence was killing him.

His face turned to Erwin. He observed him intently, and felt impolite. He shouldn’t be glaring at him that way when he’s so vulnerable.

But… well, it’s not like anyone was around, right? And he was merely observing.

He got on his knees and hovered over Erwin. The more he looked at his face, that pale, soft, face… with those relaxed eyes and slightly open mouth, the more his stomach tingled.

As if he were doing a meticulous task for the first time in his life, his fingers trailed over Erwin’s cheek, with complete tenderness and care. Like the slightest touch would break Erwin’s almost porcelain skin.

His eyes then trailed down from his face to his body. He examined his chest, his taut, muscular abdomen—an incredible body kneaded from years and years of intense physical activity.

He, in panic, leaned back when Erwin moved slightly. He groaned again, sleepily placing his right arm above his head.

Levi sighed quietly, amazed at how regal Erwin looked, even when asleep.

He sucked in his lip, smiling shyly without realising. He then observed his right arm, and his smile slowly dissipated.

He tried to imagine in his head how that fight must have happened.

They were charging. Erwin stuck his arm out, valiantly screaming, and got snatched. Everyone, even a berserk Mikasa, was caught off guard and stopped, panicking.

And according to what he heard in the mess-hall from an incredibly awestruck Armin, Erwin screamed for everyone to continue advancing.

He was going to be eaten by a titan, and he used his last moments to valiantly command his troops to advance.

Levi’s lips parted. And he thought, once more, what he thought that day—that rainy day after Furlan and Isabel died, after Erwin’s words shook Levi to the core and made him want to follow him despite wanting to take his head moments prior.

_What a man…_

His fingers softly trailed Erwin’s arm. He wondered, how would that fight have gone about if Levi had been there? If he had been there to protect him?

From what he heard, Erwin had also been the one to rescue Eren despite being severely injured.

Not Mikasa, the top soldier there.

Erwin.

It was Erwin. A crippled, tired, Erwin who lost his dominant arm.

Levi felt a sense of pride in his heart.

Erwin was strong. And now that he bore the Colossal Titan… he was incredible. He was invincible. He had the ultimate power.

Nevermind Eren. Erwin will be the one to save humanity; he’s the god meant to save the world.

And Levi will be right behind him, every step of the way. No matter what monster the Commander has to become. If anyone tries to meddle in Erwin’s business, it’s simple—Levi will take their heads.

That’s his duty as an Ackerman and as Erwin’s right-hand man.

He sat on his knees, clutching the fabric of his pants. His hand then subtly made its way to Erwin’s left hand, and placed it on top.

It was his silent way of proclaiming his devotion to him.

Levi closed his eyes to rest them for a bit, hand still on Erwin’s. After a minute, he gasped, eyes flaring open when feeling a slight squeeze in his thumb.

He expectantly looked at Erwin.

Did this mean Erwin wasn’t mad at him?

He then realised how awkward the simple idea of Levi holding someone’s hand was, even if loosely, and pulled back.

Erwin groaned, and slowly opened his eyes. “You...” he muttered.

Levi leaned forward.

Erwin slowly sat up, grunting, completely unaware Levi was next to him. He brought a hand to his chest, the other to his head, frowning in confusion. “Are you in here?” he muttered.

“Erwin?” Levi called.

“What did you mean,” his eyes narrowed, “by stuck?”

“Erwin,” he placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to draw his attention.

Erwin’s nose scrunched, holding his neck. He felt some sort of phantom pain.

“Hey,” Levi shook him, “snap out of it.”

Erwin finally looked at him. Levi’s expression wavered at how different Erwin’s eyes looked.

They didn’t seem to be his own, his expression was like Erwin was completely out of it. They seemed to glow a little, and there were prominent black lines around his irises.

Levi frowned in confusion. “Erwin? Are you alright?”

Erwin observed Levi like he didn’t recognise him.

“Do you need some water?”

Erwin’s blank expression then left Levi as he looked forward. “I feel like I just had a very long dream.”

“Do you remember anything?”

“No,” Erwin answered, quickly. “How did I get here?”

“You passed out… so we put you in bed.”

“We?”

“Hange and I. She went out to brew some tea for you.”

What a strange feeling. Erwin hadn’t been awake for even two minutes, yet Levi, for some reason, felt certain coldness exuding from him.

So, he was angry at Levi?

“Did you take off my clothes?”

Levi’s eyes widened. “We did, yes,” he responded quickly, not wanting Erwin to get the wrong idea, “because you were burning up.”

Erwin stood up, wasting no time to put on his shirt and jacket again.

Levi merely sat, looking at him.

“What are you doing sitting there?” Erwin asked, almost accusatorily, as he buttoned down his shirt.

Levi’s mouth opened in surprise, not knowing what to respond. “Hange told me to watch over you while she was gone.”

“Mm,” is all Erwin responded, bending to buckle his straps.

Levi stood up, eyes narrowed sadly as he tidied up Erwin’s bed. “Hey…” he said. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yes, Levi?”

He opened his mouth, but no words came out.

Erwin then looked at him, waiting. His serious, maybe even somewhat cold stare made Levi feel sensitive.

_Please… stop looking at me like that…_

“What is it?” Erwin said, holding his straps.

 _Are you mad at me?_ Levi thought to himself, unable to find the courage to just ask.

“I know I wasn’t able to kill the Beast Titan, but I’m not through with him yet.”

“I understand. What’s your question?”

“I just wanted you to know that I haven’t broken my promise. I wanted to ask that you know that… right?”

Erwin looked down, fixing his upper straps. “Yes, well,” his indifferent tone hurt Levi. “I wonder about that. Getting the chance to kill him will be tough, specially because of all the information he has now. He will definitely be more prepared next time.”

Levi sighed silently.

“Furthermore, if we failed to kill him after sacrificing all of our soldiers just to ambush him, I don’t want to think about how it’ll be next time we meet, where he’ll likely have reinforcements.”

Way to pour salt in Levi’s wounds.

However, that wasn’t Erwin’s intention. He was merely assessing the situation, and telling the truth as a result.

“Sorry, Erwin.”

“I can’t tell you that it’s fine, that nothing’s wrong” he spoke sincerely, “but that doesn’t mean I’m blaming you. It was a tough situation, and you did your best.”

“Erwin,” Levi took a step forward. “I won’t fail again. I promise you that—“

“Levi,” he halted him in his tracks, sternly. “I want the bastard for myself.”

Levi frowned in surprise. “But—“

Erwin’s cold, widened eyes stopped him from speaking. It was an imperial expression, one that said something akin to _“not another word.”_

“There’s nothing more to be said.”

Levi looked down, eyes slanting in quiet anger. _All I can do is silently nod…_

“Is that clear?”

“Understood, Erwin,” Levi’s half-lidded, aggravated eyes pierced him.

Erwin, who had long stopped looking at Levi, was unaware of his furious expression. He fixed his pockets.

After a minute of further tidying himself up, he finally looked at Levi, wondering if he planned to stay frozen there.

His expression didn’t waver in the slightest, but Erwin would have been lying if he said Levi’s face didn’t catch him off guard.

His eyes were half-lidded, slanted menacingly, while the corner of his lip was curved up. His expression was nothing short of furious.

Erwin’s arms dropped to his sides, and he blinked at Levi. They were silent for several seconds.

“Is there something you wish to say, Levi?”

When Levi continued glaring without responding, Erwin went to his office to sit back down at the desk. Hopefully he wouldn’t fall asleep this time, but if it meant he’d get to figure out who the coated man in his dreams was, he’d welcome it.

Levi followed him without hesitation.

He leaned against the wall next to the seat across Erwin, crossing his arms. He glared at the office door, expecting Hange to walk in any second now.

“Say,” his tone was somewhat hostile, “How exactly do you plan on taking on the Beast Titan yourself?”

“I have time to plan something,” he said, grabbing the quill to start writing the report he had fallen asleep on. He then decided against it, and began reading another document.

“Ah,” Levi tilted his head back. His heart was thumping in his chest, in anger.

Did Erwin no longer believe in him?

Was he so disappointed in Levi that he couldn’t trust him anymore? Is that why he wanted to finish the job himself?

“Tch,” he scowled silently. _Way to overreact._

“If there is something you have to say, say it,” Erwin said, nonchalantly reading the document.

Levi grit his teeth. He opened his mouth to say something, but a loud thump on the door interrupted.

“Name and business,” Erwin said.

“It’s H—, ah! You woke up! Good. Open up, please!”

“It’s unlocked,” Levi said, glaring daggers at Erwin.

She kicked the door again.

“Tch, have you shit for brains?” Levi rose his tone, gaze averting from Erwin to the door.

“I’m kicking the door for a reason! My hands are full! Open up, shorty!”

He glared back at Erwin, who looked at him coolly, corner of mouth turned up in anger.

Levi opened the door forcefully, paving the way for Hange, who carried a tray.

“Who’s in the mood for some tea and biscuits?” she grinned cheerfully, expecting a positive reaction.

She, however, immediately noticed the tension in the room.

Her grin vanished as she looked at Erwin, who despite the tension smiled at her, and then at Levi, who looked like a ticking time bomb.

 _Whoa…_ She frowned. She left and took her time so Levi and Erwin could have a moment, but this isn’t exactly what she was expecting.

“Well,” she put the tray on the whiskey table. “If you’re not, I’ll be happy to eat your biscuits for you!” she smiled cheerfully.

“Absolutely not,” Erwin stood up, walking towards Hange. “I’m always in the mood.”

“That’s what I’m talking about!” she smiled at him. “Levi?” she looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to come closer for some tea.

“I’ll leave you to it,” he said, putting on his jacket. “I have things to do.”

They looked at him leave, and Levi slammed the door shut.

She pursed her lips, then looked at Erwin. “Is everything alright?”

“Well,” Erwin said, collecting several biscuits, “with Levi, you never know.”

What was that supposed to mean?

“Aw…” Hange smiled a little sadly. “And here I thought we’d have a nice evening snack together!”

“That’s okay, Hange,” Erwin smiled at her, placing a hand on her back. “I’m right here with you.”

She smiled fondly. “Thanks, Erwin.”

As he sat down at his desk, she couldn’t help looking back at the door, wondering what had transpired.

* * *

“Okay,” Hange said, setting a tray with five mugs and a metal pot. Eren and Mikasa’s eyes widened at the smell.

“That’s...”

“Yeah,” Hange smiled at Eren. “I got us some hot chocolate for tonight. It’s going to be a long night, after all.”

“As always,” Erwin smiled, “You’re exceeding expectations.”

Hange ignored the compliment, merely smiling, embarrassed. She sat at his left.

Leaned against the wall, wrinkles formed around Levi’s eyes as a deep frown consumed his face.

Since the meeting in which they discussed the last battle, Levi had become particularly sensitive. He’d begun feeling that certain things Erwin said were directed at him, or meant to demean him for failing his mission, when that was not the case at all. The action never so much as even crossed Erwin’s mind.

This was one of those instances.

And Levi took it personally.

“Eren, did you bring your notes?”

He nodded.

“Come sit down, Levi,” Erwin ordered.

He sat at Erwin’s right, folding his hands on the table.

Erwin told Eren to discuss his dreams and the memories he had recollected, but Eren took some time to comply. He looked disturbed, and maybe a little sad.

He began by explaining the events he lived through Grisha. Everyone on the table had stopped drinking their beverage due to the amount of shocking information to digest. He explained who Eren Kruger was—that the baby in the photograph was Grisha’s son, and thereby his half-brother.

He seemed perturbed enough by the fate his long-deceased aunt met, and by the general treatment of Eldians in the place his father used to live in.

It’s called Marley.

“One of the last things Eren Kruger told my dad was…”

Erwin leaned forward in anticipation. He needed to know more. He needed everything.

“There’s something called the Curse of Ymir. Those who hold the Power of the Titans cannot live for more than thirteen years.”

Mikasa’s mouth hung, lips curving down in horror. “No…”

“That means I have eight years,” he looked down sadly, “and the Commander has thirteen.”

Hange’s eyes widened. Her head slowly turned to Erwin, who looked perfectly calm.

They were all speechless, and Levi remained frozen in place, holding his breath.

“T-that can’t be right,” Mikasa’s voice cracked. “That’s impossible. It can’t be. It can’t.”

Eren looked at her, eyes narrowing sadly at her completely broken expression.

She placed both elbows on the table, face slowly leaning forward to cover her face, breathing shakily. “Not again… not this again…”

“Eren,” Erwin broke the silence. “From what you remember, Kruger’s time was up, which is why he chose your father. The timing seemed convenient,” he cupped his chin, absolutely nonchalant to what perturbed everyone else, “since his young son sold him and his wife out at the exact time he was dying. How exactly did Kruger plan to pass down the power if Grisha had never been sent to that wall, without raising suspicious and destroying the Restorationists?”

Eren’s lips parted, not understanding what Erwin was getting at.

“If Kruger had died without passing down the power, what would have happened?”

“Oh,” Eren perked up, “that’s what I was going to continue saying. If he had died without transferring his power to my dad, an unspecified Eldian child would have inherited the power.”

Erwin sipped his chocolate, digesting the information.

“Blood and distance are irrelevant. It doesn’t matter who the baby is, or where they live.”

“All of us,” Eren continued. “We’re all connected. All Eldians are. I’m still not clear on how or why… but it’s by something invisible, something a successor defined as paths.”

“Paths?”

“The blood and bones formed by the titan are sent to the new host through those paths. Memories included.”

Erwin’s expression finally wavered.

“So…” he mumbled, “all hosts are intertwined… they’re all connected.” He looked up at Eren, now rising his tone. “So, it’s like you said Rod Reiss told Historia at the cave. When he said Frieda wasn’t truly dead... The hosts, or at least the last host, resides within the current holder of the titan. Is that it?”

“Y-yes,” he nodded, taken aback by Erwin’s stern tone.

Erwin placed his hands underneath the table, clutching his shirt so tightly it scrunched.

_The crying Colossal…_

_The man in my dreams…_

_If the hosts are connected, then that means…_

“Eren Kruger said…”

Erwin looked up, lips parted.

“That my titan, the titan I bear… it always fights,” his lips curved up in the faintest smile. “It’s always moving forward. It moves ahead, seeking freedom. It’s called the Attack Titan.”

His smile widened, but he noticed no one react.

It appeared that the one that listened intently was the Commander. Hange was paying attention, but not as closely as Erwin. Mikasa was looking down in the most distraught expression possible, while Levi looked at the wall, eyes larger than usual, but no decipherable emotion on his face.

Erwin’s eyes never left Eren, understanding why he had smiled in the first place.

That smile was long gone because of the grim atmosphere, of course.

“This paths concept is fascinating,” Erwin said, cupping his chin. “So, we’re all connected. Memories, the power of the titans are passed through them—it sounds like it’s a channel of transportation. Did Kruger say anything else?”

“No,” Eren sipped his chocolate. “Just that they transcend physical space, and that we’re all connected to the Coordinate, or what we call the Founding Titan. At least… that’s all I’ve remembered.”

“So, that’s why Marley’s so desperate to regain the Founding. They could control all titans. But what for?”

Eren looked at him, confused.

“Does that mean there are titans outside the ocean, outside our island? Or else, why would they want the ability to control them? Perhaps expel them from the rest of the world? They clearly want all of us dead, so I highly doubt their objective is to repel them from this island where only we, _children of the devil_ ,” he air-quoted, “live. Any ideas?”

Eren didn’t know what to respond or theorise in return. Erwin looked at everyone else around the table, and they simply looked grim.

“Well?” he asked. “Anyone?”

Silence.

Eren was equally puzzled by the deafening silence and their grim expressions.

“Maybe they do want to expel them from the island,” Hange said, finally regaining her composure. They all looked at her, but she looked at Erwin. “Maybe there’s something else aside from the Founding in this island that’s drawn their interest.”

“But I don’t know what,” she said.

“So…” Levi mumbled, eyes half-lidded in sadness. “Now what?”

“Hm?”

“What do we do now?” he looked at Erwin. “Seems like we’re short on time. You’ll die in thirteen years, and the enemy across the ocean wants the Founding Titan to control all the titans. There’s more Eldians living inside Marley, but they’re oppressed and a small faction tried to rebel against them.”

“Furthermore,” he added, “Marley wants the Founding to destroy us, while Kruger wanted it to save us. How…? Let’s say we destroy all the titans. What then…? How would that restore our dignity and freedom when Marley would still try to destroy us…? How do we know they’re the only ones…?”

“I don’t know,” Erwin looked at him stoically. “We’re still far too ignorant about the outside world. What we must do now is attend the meeting, discuss our findings and prepare the next plan of action. For the time being, I want us to give the people inside the walls the memories that were taken away from them.”

Eren’s eyes wavered.

“Everything we know, I want them to know as well. It will certainly cause mixed reactions, but it matches the questions and doubts we’ve had all this time. Our goal has always been to give humanity the freedom that was taken from it—knowledge is the first step. Our job is to survey and report, let the people decide what they want to do or feel with that information.”

Levi looked at him sadly, in resignation, and Erwin was stoic, nonchalant.

Eren gasped, and they looked at him. “Resources,” he said. “Yes, resources!” he said, and he quickly flipped through the pages, finding one with handwriting that abruptly ended in the middle.

“What Hange-san said is true, Marley wants something aside from our extermination. And it’s just like the Captain said—it’s not just Marley. It’s the world. They fear us because we could rule it, just like we once did, or at least that’s what the textbooks say.”

Eren’s eyes scanned the page. “They do want the Founding because that’ll give the Eldians in the internment zone no use. They’ll freely be able to kill them all. Marley seems to be tolerant of Eldians because of their use as weapons of mass destruction… just like Eldians in the past used to do. The world wants us dead because they see that weaponry as too unreliable. But, if—“

“Ah!” Hange said, understanding. “The world doesn’t agree with Marley’s view of titans. They have titan shifters and mindless titans under their power, it’s likely that they, like the Eldians of the past, have used titans as a weapon as well, perhaps not only on this island. But if they want the Founding Titan to eliminate us—“

“Then it’s likely they want the island for its resources,” Erwin said. “After all, we’re completely underdeveloped. But what could they want from us?”

“I… don’t know,” Eren said.

“So,” Levi said, “Marley wants the Founding to destroy the titans, but Grisha also wanted to destroy them when Wall Maria fell… so, our goals are aligned…? I don’t understand a thing.”

“Yes…” Erwin looked at him in uncertainty, then back at the rest. “We still don’t have enough information. Let’s make do with what we have for the moment.”

They all but Levi nodded, and Erwin didn’t understand why Levi looked at him with such distraught eyes.

* * *

“My Queen,” Erwin bowed with a smile, as did Levi and Hange.

“C-Commander, please!” she smiled shyly, “it’s not official yet.”

“Nonsense,” he said.

She looked at her former superiors with a sad smile. They were a little short on time, so the small chat was just that—small.

“There’s actually something I wanted to give you, Historia,” Hange said. “It’s from Ymir.”

Historia’s mouth opened. “What is it?” she hastily approached Hange. “Did you meet her? Is she—“

“It’s a letter,” Hange said, and this made Historia frown sadly. “Reiner gave it to us.”

It was a three page letter. She sat by the window and read it, and the three veterans observed in respect. Historia scanned the pages in immense expectance, then came to a stop.

“… What?” she frowned. “Is that all there was?”

“Yes…” Hange said. “I’m sure she wasn’t able to write down any information that could be useful. But, by any chance, was there a message, something only you could understand?”

“… I don’t know. But she chose Reiner and Bertolt over me… I doubt she’d do that to then try to stab them in the back like that.”

They observed her solemnly, and Historia suddenly laughed.

“What an idiot! You really were an idiot. Laughing it off when you so much as blushed, you just were… I…” she laughed, though in clear despair. “I’ll never understand you,” tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Your Majesty,” a Royal Guard said after two knocks on the door. “They’re here. Come in,” he opened the door.

Eren, Mikasa and Jean walked in. Historia stood up, quickly wiping the tears.

“Your Majesty,” they bowed.

“N-no, stop it, not you, too!” she laughed nervously. “It’s not official yet!”

They smiled sadly at her.

She already knew, but not seeing Armin shocked her all the same. “You… have been through so much,” she smiled sadly.

Eren frowned.

“And I was just here, watching the south sky from inside the walls, not doing anything to help…”

“You’ve done a lot to help,” Eren smiled sadly. “Now your job is to survive.”

“Yeah,” Mikasa smiled sadly, too.

“… I’m sorry,” Historia mourned, and they understood.

Eren silently nodded.

“Why don’t we get going?” Erwin stood.

They nodded.

* * *

“The individuals in this room are currently the only ones who are aware of the existence of these three books,” Premiere Zackly began. “The Early Life of Grisha Yeager, Titans and Everything Known of History, and Information About the World Beyond the Walls. They’re the fruits—“

 _Yeager… Grisha and Eren Yeager…_ Erwin’s brows furrowed in thought. _Where else have I heard that name?_

“Of the efforts of the nine Survey Corps members with us today, and the one hundred and ninety nine members who are not.”

Erwin looked forward, paying attention, but his eyes narrowed slightly when feeling a slight headache. _Again?_

“Their heroics deserve to be—“

_Reiner rapidly blew on his coffee to cool it. Bertolt sadly looked at his drink, no intention of consuming it whatsoever._

_Reiner looked at him, and frowned, understanding._

_Their Warchief then walked through the door, hands in his cardigan’s pockets. “Well,” he began, scratching the back of his ear. His presence immediately made Bertolt and Reiner stand up. “It took a whole lot of convincing, but I guess I saved your life. For the time being.”_

_Their eyes widened._

_“This is nothing short of a failure, but there’s still time. If we can recover the Coordinate, Marley will surely forgive your mistakes.”_

_“B-but we brought back the Jaw, that should help a little, right?” Reiner’s brows furrowed, smiling nervously._

_“Eh?” the Warchief’s eyes sunk, corner of his lip turned up in irritation. This made Reiner gulp. “All you did was bring back what you left with. You recovered something you lost, and you didn’t even do it yourself. That woman, out of the kindness of her heart, despite her devil blood, chose to sacrifice herself to save you two.”_

_They looked down, wrinkles forming around their eyes as a deep frown overcame their face._

_“In other words,” the Warchief’s tone became sterner, “you did absolutely nothing at all. You have accomplished nothing. You’ve had nearly five years to recover the Coordinate, and what did you come back with? Marley has lost the Female Titan. Because of Reiner’s cowardice and you,” he directed himself to Bertolt, “and Annie’s lack of quick thinking, Marcel was killed.”_

_Bertolt’s lips curved down. In guilt from having Ymir eaten, in sorrow for Annie and Marcel’s fate, and in self-hatred for being useless._

_The Warchief sighed. “Well, we better accomplish this mission. We have to retake the Coordinate, no matter what. Do you understand?”_

_“Mister Zeke,” Reiner called hastily, desperate. “Warchief… I promise, we promise we will do our best. We know how the Survey Corps operate. I promise you we will not disappoint you again. We will not fail Marley,” he took a daring step forward, determined fire in his eyes. “So, please believe in us. We promise to do things right this time, for you and for Marley.”_

_“T-that’s right,” Bertolt joined in. “We may have failed in recovering the Coordinate on our own, but with you by our side, we can overcome anything!”_

_Zeke blinked dully at them. “Sit back down,” he ordered, doing the same himself. “Let’s go over the map one more time. And bring the equipment.”_

_Reiner sat back down and Bertolt brought the gear on the counter._

_“Shiganshina district is located on the southern edge of Wall Maria,” Bertolt tapped the map twice with his index finger. “Its proximity to the coast makes it easy to access to outsiders, and because of the titans inside, the Survey Corps will have a hard time travelling to it. They don’t have railroads, vehicles or blimps. Their technology is close to nonexistent. They’ll have to rely on horses.”_

_“And once they go to Shiganshina, they’ll have to do it at night,” Reiner chimed in._

_While he listened, Zeke examined the gear’s piston shot grapple hooks. “This is truly fascinating,” he said. “To think they were able to design a contraption to specifically kill titans…”_

_Reiner and Bertolt looked at each other._

_“This gear seems to be in worse condition than the one I took from that man, though.”_

_“You mean Section Commander Mike’s?” Reiner said, to which Bertolt frowned slightly._

_“I got that gear from a soldier I ate, I think the excessive heat may have worn it out a little,” Bertolt said._

_They were in silence, then continued discussing the plan. They discussed the Survey Corps, how they operate, and the amount of team leaders, medics and squad leaders. They brought up several scenarios, and prepared for a variety of responses._

_“So, it’s a good thing I killed that guy,” Zeke said._

_“Yes,” Reiner nodded. “But he wasn’t the only threat.”_

_“Hm?”_

_“He was the Survey Corps’ second strongest soldier, the first one is on another level.”_

_“Eh? So you’re saying there’s a soldier I should be worried about?”_

_“Yes, sir,” Reiner nodded. “His name is Captain Levi. He’s extremely dangerous.”_

_“And he’s always hanging around Commander Erwin,” Bertolt said. “He’s quite strong too, he’s the one that took Eren away from us,” he ducked his head shamefully when Zeke’s expression darkened at this. “But from what I saw, he was missing an arm. That means he’s crippled, so all he has for himself is the brains. He’s otherwise useless.”_

_“So, we’ll need to separate the two somehow,” Reiner suggested. “Captain Levi may be incredibly strong, but without good leadership there’s not too much he can do. Commander Erwin will have to rely on his troops since he’ll likely be out of action, but they can’t really do anything against us. So, he’ll have to rely specifically on Captain Levi, and Captain Levi will have to rely on him. These two are the ones we must crush first, if possible.”_

_“The soldiers are not important,” Bertolt stated. “If they lose their leader, they’ll be hopeless. If we’re able to kill the Commander and Captain, they’ll crumble.”_

_Reiner smiled, feeling hope. “They’re not like you, Warchief. And Captain Levi is still nothing compared to you,” Reiner said seriously this time, “but that doesn’t mean we should underestimate him. From the little time we were there, we heard crazy things about him. He really is something else, and we don’t know what the Corps are planning, so we should still be very careful.”_

_“Hm,” Zeke’s head tilted back, wondering. “Obviously. After all, there is absolutely no room for failure. None,” he looked at them sternly. “Understand?”_

_“Yes, sir,” they nodded, smiling nervously, but also hopefully._

_With their Warchief by their side, there is nothing they can’t do._

“Survey Corps Commander Erwin Smith,” Zackly said, finishing his introduction. “What do you make of the situation?”

_“Their blades and cannons can’t do anything against your titan, Reiner, so we have to be prepared for an ace in their sleeve. It’s also likely Eren will be the one to engage you, since he’s the only one who can seriously injure you. It’s only natural to think he’ll stay out of the fight since he’s our target, but we have to prepare for the opposite. Bertolt,” he turned to him. “As long as we can surprise them with your transformation, most of them should drop like flies. They’ll be scorched to death.”_

_“Sir,” they nodded._

_“We cannot fail,” Zeke reiterated again. “Follow the plan, no matter what. You **cannot** hesitate. Focus on subjugating Eren. Pieck and I will handle the rest.”_

_They nodded again._

_“Commander Yeager,” a very tall woman entered the room. “It’s ready,” she said._

_“Ah, Yelena,” he smiled slightly. “Good.”_

_He turned to look at Bertolt and Reiner. “Rest. Prepare yourselves mentally. I’m sure this mission won’t be easy on you emotionally.”_

_“Sir,” their eyes glistened at him._

“Erwin?” Premiere Zackly repeated for the fifth time.

Everyone in the room looked at him expectantly. His mouth was open, eyes widened to their limit, and his pupils appeared to shake.

“Please excuse him,” Hange said, coolly. “We’ve all been a little distracted.”

“Of course,” Zackly said. “It’s understandable.”

She shook his shoulder, and after a few moments his head slowly turned to her.

He looked out of it—completely insane.

Her eyes widened slightly. Was he remembering something? Now? Of all times?

Levi’s brows furrowed at him in concern.

She felt compelled to sneakily hold his hand, try to comfort him, but this wasn’t the time or place.

“Of course,” Erwin slowly stood up after a few moments. “Please do excuse me.”

And like nothing had ever happened, his stoic expression returned, presence as commanding as always.

“In exchange for the loss of many heroes, we, the Survey Corps, were able to successfully retake Wall Maria, defeat the Colossus Titan, and take its power. However, we, as walled humanity, continue to be in an extremely dangerous situation.”

He explained how titans were never the enemy, but men. Men and women, just like them.

Several minutes ticked by, as Erwin explained how Grisha Yeager heroically completed his mission, how he passed down his power to his son Eren Yeager, and how it is now their duty to continue his mission.

When he brought up the Royal Bloodline, Eren’s mind wandered.

And he saw her. That woman. The woman in the picture.

He connected the dots. Grisha said that Marleyan textbooks stipulated the Founding Titan could be exploited best through the use of Royal blood, just like they had previously found out through Rod Reiss. But Eren did not have Royal blood.

So, why did he successfully activate its power back then, when he touched that titan?

He gasped violently.

He slammed his palms against the table, getting up, startling every person in the room. “Could it be!?” he screamed, nearly at the top of his lungs.

He gave everyone a huge fright, but Erwin looked back at him, unfazed. “Eren? You surprised us. Is something the matter?”

The Military Police looked at him, surprised at his outburst, then thought about what had transpired with Erwin minutes ago.

A bunch of freaks, some of them thought.

“I…” he trembled. “I just…”

“Continue,” Zackly said.

He sat back down, and Erwin eyed him in suspicion.

_He remembered something, too?_

“I apologise for interrupting the meeting,” Eren said.

They continued the meeting, the people in the room amazed at everything they learned. Once Erwin explained Grisha’s findings, they all began to feel uneasy.

As expected and predicted by Erwin and Hange, the Military Police immediately suggested keeping everything a secret.

Erwin glared at them, eyes sinking cold.

_Cowards._

With Pixis’ persuasion and Historia having the last word, they decided on publishing everything in the newspapers.

The three veterans met with Roy and Peaure, their former acquaintances of the Berg Newspapers, and told them everything.

The military began preparations while that happened, and later began the ceremony to decorate the nine Survey Corps members as war heroes, and commemorate the fallen.

Connie, Jean and Sasha bantered, while Eren and Mikasa completely distanced themselves from everyone else. Jean eyed Mikasa with concern.

The three veterans arrived, and everything seemed to grow quiet.

Many officers from the Military Police approached Erwin. They spoke, and shamefully apologised for all the years of humiliation they put his regiment through.

Others from the Garrison approached to do the same, and mostly to pay their respects.

Nile then walked to him, to congratulate his old friend.

“I always thought you were crazy, babbling in the mess hall… we all did,” he looked down, smiling sadly. “But look at us now,” he looked at Erwin. “I, uh…” he rubbed the back of his neck, averting his gaze. “I’m sorry, Erwin.”

Erwin’s eyes widened, heart overwhelmed at the amount of recognition and respect his regiment was receiving.

He never thought he’d see the day. He felt an indescribable feeling.

Something he hadn’t felt in years.

He was… happy, or the closest thing to happy.

“I told you I’d be able to do it,” Erwin smiled, eyes as stoic as ever. His eyes then followed Floch as he joined Jean in his conversation with Connie and Sasha.

“I know,” Nile smiled. “I’m, uh...” he lowered his tone, “proud of you. Marie sends her congratulations, too.”

Levi’s brows slightly furrowed fondly as he observed Erwin’s expression, and his reaction to the praise he received.

Erwin may be angry at him right now, he thought, but at least he took part in all of this. He was always beside Erwin.

 _These pieces of filth may be sucking up to him now,_ he stuck his hands in his coat’s pockets, _but I believed in him from day one._ He then looked at Hange, whose eye also glimmered with pride. _We both did,_ his eyes softened at her.

After Nile left, the three of them remained, waiting. “I’ll be back in a moment,” he said to Hange and Levi once he saw a girl from the Military Police leave Jean’s group, expression distressed.

Jean was scolding Floch about something.

“Hello,” Erwin said, approaching them.

They perked up, surprised. “Commander.”

He made casual chat, then directed himself to Floch. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to steal Floch from you for a few moments before the ceremony starts.”

They walked away and the three observed them as Floch turned his head and his panicked eyes called for help.

Erwin noticed his expression, and chuckled. “I’m sorry,” he smiled, “I didn’t mean to startle you. I haven’t gotten the chance to do this, and thought this would be the best time.”

“Sir?”

“I heard you’re the one that carried me all the way from outside to inside the wall. That’s a very long distance to cover with someone slumped on your back and no horses. I also heard you’re the one that fought to save my life.”

Floch’s lips curved down, not knowing what to say.

“I wanted to thank you,” Erwin smiled at him, genuinely. “You’re a brave, young man. I’m happy you made the decision to transfer from the Garrison to my regiment. I’m honoured to have a soldier like you under my care.”

Floch’s mouth hung, eyes glistening. “S-sir,” he brought a hand to his chest, “I only did what I thought was right and best for humanity. T-thank you, sir!” he saluted.

Erwin’s eyes softened. He extended his hand, thanking him again.

Floch stared at his hand in awe, much like Eren had after Erwin said he looked forward to working with him when he was entrusted to the Corps.

He held his harm firmly and shook it. “Commander, I’m honoured.”

“Alright,” Erwin pulled back. “I won’t take too much of your time. You can go back to your friends, now. The ceremony will start soon.”

Before Floch could say anything, he left to join Levi and Hange again.

The ceremony began shortly after, and all officers and higher-ups lined up. The nine heroes of Shiganshina walked between them, approaching the Queen, and coming to a stop at the stairs. They knelt—Floch, Sasha, Jean and Connie in the second row of the first step, and on the second step, right before the Queen was Eren and Mikasa to the left, Levi and Hange to the right, and Erwin in the middle.

Historia began from right to left. She decorated them, placing the honorary bolo ties on their necks.

They looked up when Historia suddenly called Eren’s name. Their eyes shot to him, and he was staring at her hand, eyes completely deranged. Almost immediately, Historia’s eyes widened, and hers looked almost as deranged.

 _… Huh?_ Erwin thought, expression stoic. _What are they remembering now?_

The ceremony ended shortly after.

Several weeks passed, and the Survey Corps set their sights on clearing up the rest of the titans inside Wall Maria, as well as progress on Erwin’s experimentation and Eren’s memories.

Unlike before, Erwin spent a lot of his time alone. Normally, he’d spend his time with Levi, Hange as well. When he worked on paperwork, Levi would usually be there, even if silently, just keeping him company.

But after Shiganshina, Erwin wanted to be left alone.

Levi thought Erwin was angry, that he saw Levi as a failure and disappointment, but the truth was that Erwin was trying to find himself.

He was trying to recollect memories, see what Bertolt saw. Know what he knew. Unlike before, he tried to actually get some sleep, because he thought it’d be the best way to meet Bertolt again. The coated man in the dreams he couldn’t remember, he knew it was him. But he didn’t see him again. He couldn’t dream.

Everything was just hard for Erwin.

He was overwhelmed, even though the Survey Corps had done nothing but progress. They earned the people’s love and warmth, while the other military branches’ respect and admiration.

Yet something felt amiss.

What is it that he gained that day…?

He reached the basement and proved his father right. He felt he redeemed himself some for being a stupid child that got the father he adored killed.

But he still didn’t feel whole.

Sometimes, his hands felt dirty. When he lingered too much on his feelings of emptiness, he’d look at his feet and see a pile of corpses. And the very first corpse he stood on was Mike, who always stared at him with his brows slightly creased.

Like he were questioning him.

So, what did he gain…?

Knowledge?

Progress for humanity?

At the expense of what?

How were they supposed to fight not one enemy, but the entire world? What was it that he, a man that was exhausted and broken, could do?

If only, if only he could remember something.

But what did that matter? Did Bertolt have any information that was more useful than anything Grisha and Kruger gave them?

Or more useful than Eren’s predecessors?

He took a sharp inhale and stood from his desk. He went over to his bookshelf and grabbed one of the old books he borrowed from Historia’s library.

He sat on his bed, and made himself comfortable as he spread the several journals on the bed, and rested the book on his legs brought to his chest.

 _“The Fundamentals of the Brain,”_ it was called.

He grabbed one of the journals, pages yellow from its antiquity.

There were detailed drawings of the brain and the lobes of the cerebral cortex. He alternated between speed-reading the journal and book. He focused on the notes on the hippocampus—the part responsible for memory function.

He grabbed a quill and his own brand-new journal.

He stared at the blank page, lost in thought.

_The paths Kruger mentioned… they could almost be defined as a channel of transportation. It links all Eldians, and the central point is the Coordinate. The brain possesses something similar. The axons in the brain serve as a wire that connects neurons from location to location. It’s responsible for transmitting information over a long distance. A neural pathway, so to speak. This pathway maybe could be seen as the Coordinate in the brain. Every Eldian is connected to the Coordinate, so, perhaps we could be seen as axons. If the memories are passed on from shifter to shifter through these paths…_

“Hm…” he muttered. “Let’s see,” he now spoke out loud, leaning back on the pillows and looking at the ceiling. “If memories are stored as patterns, and those patterns encode information of an event, maybe a stimulus could cause those memory networks to be activated. But how do you stimulate a brain to remember?”

His head shot to strong knocks on the door.

He stood and headed to it, and opened it. It was late, who wanted to bother him?

He found Levi and Hange.

“… Oh? What are you two doing here?”

“Were you just talking to yourself?” Hange said.

“You heard?” his brows rose.

“You’re just like Eren now!” she jested. “I thought he was weird, talking to himself and all, but you’re the same! Maybe it’s a titan shifter thing. You guys are so weird!”

She grinned and laughed, but she was evidently hiding the sadness in her.

“Why are you here?” Erwin asked.

Her eye saddened. “Because we’re worried about you…” she admitted.

He took a good look at them, and was surprised when his eyes found Levi. The dark circles under his eyes were terrible, and his normally handsome face was plagued with an unspoken emotion Erwin couldn’t decipher.

Sadness? Resignation? What was it?

He frowned in surprise.

“… Have you been losing weight?”

Levi didn’t say anything.

“What do you need?” he asked them.

“We’re just worried, Erwin…” Hange frowned. “About you. We want to know what’s going through that mind of yours.”

“I’m fine,” Erwin said.

“What are you doing?” Hange asked, getting on her tippy toes and looking over Erwin inside his office, catching a glimpse of his book filled bed.

“Reading,” he said.

“Erwin…” Hange frowned, “why won’t you talk to us?”

“What do you mean? I am—“

“Whenever we’re done experimenting or working, you disappear without a trace. You were never like this before. We don’t talk, share tea or do anything together at all. Why…? Why has everything changed so much?”

 _Because he hates me…_ Levi thought.

Erwin sighed, and they were surprised by the visible saddening of his eyes and his sudden sincerity.

“I’ve wanted to be alone,” he admitted. “I have much to think about. I don’t need any distractions, but don’t take that the wrong way.”

“Isn’t there anything we can do to help?” Hange asked.

Erwin looked down in contemplation. He glimpsed at the books, then at them.

“Three heads are better than one,” she smiled sadly.

“… Yes,” his eyes softened. “How foolish have I been?”

He fully opened the door and paved way for them to enter. Hange did immediately, but Levi hesitated.

“Levi?” Erwin called.

Levi looked up at him, brows furrowed and eyes sad—and his expression was pitiful to look at. It was childish and pleading, like he were asking Erwin if he was truly allowed to go in, if he was truly welcome.

“What are you waiting for?” Erwin smiled at him for the first time in weeks, and it made everything inside Levi tighten. “You don’t intend to stay there all night, do you?”

Levi silently walked through the door, and stood in the middle of the office, doing nothing.

Erwin walked past him to the bedroom and plopped on the bed. He sat, scurrying back as Hange went over with a chair to sit next to him. After several calls, Levi did the same. He sat next to Hange at the right bedside so they both could be face-to-face with Erwin.

Erwin explained what he was trying to do. Hange nodded intently, and Levi gazed at Erwin with the most pitiful eyes he had ever seen. He tried to ignore it, but it brewed something terrible inside Erwin.

What was wrong with Levi?

“That’s brilliant,” Hange referred to the way Erwin illustrated paths with the human brain. “The brain does behave like a sponge,” she said. “When you ate Bertolt, you said you dreamt about his titan form crying. If what Rod Reiss said is true, and we have no reason to believe otherwise, then a titan shifter never truly dies. Their memories are absorbed by the current holder, certain conditions simply need to happen in order for those memories to surface.”

“But the issue is how,” Erwin sighed. “I don’t know how. After all, I’m trying to stimulate my brain for someone else’s memories, not my own.”

“Hm…” Hange pondered, skimming through the journals.

“Maybe you should cut open my skull and probe my brain,” Erwin smiled.

Hange’s mouth opened. She stared at Erwin, and he and Levi could tell she was contemplating the idea.

“He was just kidding!” Levi yelled, frowning at her.

They were taken aback, since it was the first thing he had said, and he looked panicked.

“I know, I know,” she smiled apologetically. “Buuuuuuuuut—“

“But nothing!” Levi reproached.

“Okay, okay,” she put her hands up.

Erwin laughed, and her eyes darted between him and Levi. She spoke to Erwin, changing the subject to lighten the mood, but she couldn’t stifle the sadness inside her.  

Levi was quiet and never said anything about it, but she wasn’t dumb.

She easily noticed the changes in him and Erwin since their last meeting where they discussed what happened in Shiganshina.

The difference is, she could tell Erwin was distant, but Levi…

It’s like Levi had fallen into a deep depression, and she wasn’t sure if it was because of his failure in killing the Beast Titan, or somehow because of Erwin.

She just wanted everything to be fine.

They lost so much during the Battle of Shiganshina. Mike wasn’t with them, she had lost Moblit; the three of them were all they had. And now that Erwin’s time was ticking, she didn’t want anything to get in the way of their friendship.

She abruptly stood up, and they both looked at her.

“Let’s go out!” she smiled. “Tomorrow’s Friday. Let’s go out to the interior! Let’s have a few drinks, let’s go to a cabaret—let’s have some **_fun_**! We have earned it!”

“But, Hange—“

“But what?” Hange said. “Are we here just to work? Were we put on this Earth to drown in work every waking hour, and think about the pain we feel during the little time we have to take a breather?”

“Let’s go out!” she repeated. “Let’s get drinks, let’s eat some meat, let’s attend a fun show and just get drunk!”

Levi was too depressed to say anything, or to even contemplate her words.

“You know what,” Erwin closed the book with a thump, “you’re right.”

They looked at him in surprise.

“I can’t remember the last time I relaxed,” he said. “Can you?”

She shook her head.

“And I’m sure Levi is the same,” Erwin said when Levi said nothing. “Let’s enjoy ourselves. I’ll make the carriage arrangements tomorrow morning.”

“Yes!” Hange brought her fist up then down in victory. “Then it’s settled,” she sat back down and wrapped an arm around Levi. “We’re going to have fun and **_eat_** ,” she emphasised, but Levi didn’t know why. It took him a few seconds to understand, and he looked away when he did.

Erwin frowned at Levi’s utter lack of enthusiasm. His pitiful expression was starting to get to him.

“But for now,” he said, standing up, “I’m going to think for a little longer, then sleep. You two get some, as well.”

“Okay,” Hange smiled, complying, and Levi followed. She bid Erwin goodbye, waiting for Levi, but she quickly left instead when Erwin tugged him back to prevent him from leaving.

Levi looked up at him with those pitiful, hopeless eyes.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” is all he responded.

Erwin frowned, not knowing what to tell him or what to ask him. Why was he so thin?

The Survey Corps had better food than ever now. So, why?

He held both his shoulders and shot him a comforting smile, to Levi’s surprise. “Get some good sleep,” he said. “We’re going to have some well-deserved fun tomorrow. I’m looking forward to it.”

Levi frowned, and it shocked Erwin further when his words had the opposite effect he intended.

He looked even worse, even more distraught.

“… Okay,” is all Levi said.

He turned and left, hands in pockets and tired eyes on the floor.

“Levi?”

He turned to look.

“Goodnight,” Erwin smiled.

Levi frowned even more. He said nothing and left, to Erwin’s utter confusion.

* * *

**CRINGE DRAWING LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked the chapter, please leave some kudos or a comment. Support means a lot to me, and I really like knowing whether there's people actively reading/liking the fic. If it's not to your liking, you can tell me as well, as I want to improve. 
> 
> If you want to see my shit art and send fic requests/prompts, even insult me (lmao) or just talk to me, here: http://bipabrena.tumblr.com/
> 
> ALSO LMAO IM SORRY THAT DRAWING IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CRINGY, BUT I REALLY WANTED TO DRAW ERWIN CHOKING BERTOLT XD
> 
> I'm trying to explore the whole concept of paths. It's so interesting and weird, and I'm trying to find ways to expand it with the knowledge we have from canon so I can apply it in this fic. I'm sure canon Erwin would've tried to do something similar to learn as much as he could, that's just the kind of man he is. In general, Erwin is going to change a lot as a person. Anyway, I have big plans for this fic, and I hope those of you who read it like them. This fic is 100% self-indulgent, but that doesn't mean I don't want others to like it, so yeah.


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